In Defense of John Mayer

January 27, 2010 at 9:16 pm | Posted in Celebrity Relationships, Dating Tips, Relationships | 4 Comments
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Tristan Coopersmith is the author of MENu Dating: Taste Test Your Way to the Main Course– a single girl’s guide to falling in like, falling in love and falling into bed. Check out her book in retailers nationwide, online and on her site: For musings on dating, follow her on twitter: @tristan_coop.

I’ve long loved John Mayer. Not for his ballads or his boyish good looks… truth be told both are a little soft and predictable (particularly his pseudo rock boy tatted sleeve) for my taste. I’ve met him a few times for business purposes although he wouldn’t remember because he can be as self-indulgent as the press implies, past girlfriends complain about and his own tweets admit, and he is more of a tortured soul that I can bare, but alas my love for John John is strong because his approach to love is smart. It goes a little something like this:

John is a believer in L-O-V-E.

According to his recent Rolling Stone interview, “he knows she (i.e. the one for him) is out there and he will not stop until he finds her. And her Joshua Tree of vaginas.” After all, this former pizza face shy guy with no lady game has dedicated his life to serenading women worldwide with his anthems of heartbreak and heart hope… what stronger proof do we need?

Love lesson learned from John: Believe in love because it makes you more lovable.

John isn’t willing to settle.

And perhaps it is John’s strong belief in almighty love that won’t allow him to settle. In regards to America’s sweetheart Jennifer Aniston he’d say this to her, “I like you extremely well. But I have to back out of this because it doesn’t arc over the horizon. This is not where I see myself for the rest of my life. This is not my ideal destiny.” He knows that when you love yourself you know you deserve the most tailor fitted partner to ride to the end of the road with… having such a high regard for one’s self should be applauded, not scolded.

Love lesson learned from John: Don’t be fearful of commitment; be afraid to commit to the wrong person.

John is on an experience line, not on a timeline.

At 32 John and his first love, his guitar, are not putting a timeline on love. Although admittingly and endearingly he would like to find a life partner, the clock is not ticking and he’d rather deal with public criticisms (and god only knows what grief his mama gives him,) and continue collecting the necessary experience he needs, to get this big thing we call love, right, than to do it fast.

Love lesson learned from John: Relinquish yourself of the pressure of timelines –your time will come when you have learned all you need to know to prepare you for great love.

John is intently living a single life… so he doesn’t Tiger Woods his future wife.

In the RS article John boasts of a Vegas 3+some (exact number not indicated) he had. He did it because he could. He didn’t have to ask anyone permission, offer an explanation or a word of apology because for now, he is single. John like the rest of us may not know exactly what or where his oat is, but he is smart enough to know that he needs to sow it now so that he isn’t tempted to later on, once he commits to his ideal destiny.

Love lesson learned from John: Unleash recklessness and irresponsibility from your life now so you don’t have urges that will do damage to your sacred love later.

John has peripheral dating vision.

From a stripper named Dimple$ to poptarts like Jessica Simpson to girl-next-doors like Minka Kelly, John’s willingness to taste test all the flavors that like and love have to offer demonstrate that he has a concerted interest in finding someone that rocks his world. He is open-minded in who that someone could be (although let it be known he confirms in the RS article that he is “straight as an arrow”).

Love lesson learned from John: Until you try something on for size, give it a ride, or taste it, you have no idea if you like it.

John has become a disciple of love.

It is clear that this cat has learned about love from loving… deeply. Just listen to his music – he knows his way not only around a woman’s body (“Your Body is a Wonderland”) but around her heart too and along the way, he’s gotten to know his own heart too. The proof is in his discography:

And according to Rolling Stone, through his vast dating experiences, he’s uncovered some less deep, but equally important findings like, he wants “to be the only famous person in my family.” John also told RS, “I’m smart enough now to only consider coupling with people who are smart, worldly, capable, and are capacious intellectually in some way.” Guess Jessica “Is this chicken or fish?” Simpson wouldn’t make the cut with this love enlightened Mayer, now would she?

Love lesson learned from John: The most satisfying part of an experience is uncovering the learning in it later.

So don’t mistake John Mayer for a player, he’s no player, he’s a menu dater, to boot… a man who professes a desire for commitment but isn’t willing to settle. A man who is working hard to understand his wants and his needs and become a better person along the way through exploring all of his options. And when he finds that love, rest assured it will be in a bigger, brighter package than he or the world that is watching ever imagined and the recipient of his love will be lucky, because he will be ready for it. And while the critics may not get him yet, John says, “this will all make perfect sense someday.”

xx, Tristan


Couples edition of VH1 Tough Love coming soon

December 16, 2009 at 12:00 pm | Posted in Celebrity Relationships, Matchmaking, News | Leave a comment
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Tough Love matchmaker Steve Ward is on a mission to get the female population relationship ready, 10 women at a time.

His hit series is currently casting for season 3, but before Ward and his mom try to shake some common sense into the next batch of dating disasters, the matchmaking team is going to work some magic on five couples on the verge of tying the knot.

Here’s what they’re looking for, according to the casting call for Tough Love Couples on

Do you wonder if your partner is really “The One”?
Are you ready for a ring, but your boyfriend won’t take that leap?
Has your relationship lost its spark and you’re not sure if you can get it back?
Is your relationship at the “make or break” point?

VH1 and Master Matchmakers Steve and JoAnn Ward are in search of unmarried COUPLES who have reached a crossroads in their relationship and are looking for help.

The couples will be put through the paces of a relationship boot camp, and at the end Ward will declare them either marriage material or relationship wrecks.

But will the couples take his advice?

While half of a matchmaker’s job is being a dating coach, I’d be a little skeptical about taking pre-marital counseling from the duo. Either way, it should make for interesting television.

Apply for the show at

Source: Reuters

Playing matchmaker…for your ex?

December 16, 2009 at 8:00 am | Posted in Celebrity Relationships, Matchmaking | Leave a comment
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Credit: Nynne Katrine Davidsen

I don’t follow a lot of celebrity gossip, but I remember seeing tabloid photos and headlines of the Kate Moss/Pete Doherty relationship, and it wasn’t pretty.

Their tumultuous two-year relationship was marred by drug use and jealous rages, finally ending in 2007.

While Moss has moved on, Doherty isn’t out of her life — she’s trying to be his matchmaker, according to a recent AOL UK article.

Sounds sweet, but maybe not the best idea at this time — the girl she has in mind for her ex is the band mate of her current boyfriend, Jamie Hince of The Kills. Maybe a little too close for comfort?

Questionable dating and matchmaking skills aside (I mean, would you take dating advice from Kate Moss?), is it ever a good idea to set up your ex?

In my experience, it rarely works out in your favor. If the new couple hits it off, you probably just lost a friend, because while you want to have lots of things in common with your friends, dating histories isn’t one of them.

Admittedly, I’m not one of those overly well-adjusted people who is totally cool with their friends sleeping with their exes, but not for the obvious reasons. I can get past the whole sex thing and jealously (I think), but I’m not a fan of the dating dirt that is often dug up when a new relationship begins, especially when the dirt is about me.

And while at the time I think I’m doing my ex a favor, I’m probably not doing myself any by keeping past relationships in the present, possibly upsetting my current main squeeze.

But that’s just me.

Source: AOL UK

Tiger and Elin: Matchmaking win or fail?

December 7, 2009 at 1:19 pm | Posted in Celebrity Relationships, Dating Stories, Matchmaking | 1 Comment
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When you set up a gorgeous ex-model nanny with a billionaire golfer and they end up marrying, you’re proudly responsible for the marriage of the century.

But when the athlete shows his strips ends up cheating on his wife with not one, but almost a dozen cut-rate barflies, do you also become responsible for the crappiest marriage of the century?

That’s what happened to Swedish golfer Jesper Parnevik and his wife, Mia, who introduced their former nanny, Elin Nordegren, to Tiger Woods in 2001. He was quoted saying “they are a perfect match,” when they their relationship became public, and explained that Tiger had begged him to set them up.

But one marriage, two kids, and, eight years, and nine mistresses (and still counting) later, Parnevik recently expressed their regret for setting up the two, and publicly apologized to Elin for his mismatch.

“I feel really sorry for Elin, since me and my wife were at fault for hooking her up with him . . . I would probably need to apologise to her, and hope she uses a driver next time, instead of the 3-iron,” said Parnevik in an interview.

But is an apology really necessary? When you set up a friend, are you also vouching for his or her character and subsequent actions? Or after the initial introduction, are you absolved of any damages incurred thereafter?

Basically, if you set up your friend with a dog, are you responsible if your friend gets fleas?

Whether deserved or not, I’ve often found the answer is yes. My matchmaking roster isn’t long: I have about three half-hearted relationships under my belt. But I always end up feeling responsible when a set-up doesn’t work out quiet like I had hoped.

One couple seemed perfect on paper and hit it off famously in person. But I didn’t factor in his shallow character traits or her dating faux-pas, and watched helplessly when they crashed and burned over a few weeks. In another instance, a girlfriend drunkenly slept with a famously unavailable bachelor that I knew, and our friendship became collateral damage when he didn’t call. That totally sucks, but is it my fault?

I figure that after I introduce two people, my job is done. We’re now grown ups and should be able to discern a good catch from the bad, regardless if they have a friend’s seal of approval.

If a matchmaker introduces a couple that eventually marries, add another to the win category. How the couple behave–or misbehave–is up to them.

But maybe I’m wrong, and a matchmaker’s recommendation at least guarantees the absence of douche-baggery.

Do you agree or disagree?

Dating advice from the First Lady

November 11, 2009 at 1:44 pm | Posted in Celebrity Relationships, Dating Tips, News | 1 Comment
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If there’s any dating advice you should listen to, it’s probably Michelle Obama’s. In an interview by Katie Couric for Glamour magazine’s December issue, the First Lady answers readers questions, offers advice on mentoring and style, and even includes a little tip on men:

“Cute’s good. But cute only lasts for so long, and then it’s, Who are you as a person? Don’t look at the bankbook or the title. Look at the heart. Look at the soul…When you’re dating a man, you should always feel good…You shouldn’t be in a relationship with somebody who doesn’t make you completely happy and make you feel whole.”

Not exactly Earth-shattering, but it’s sage advice and refreshing coming from someone who practices what she preaches.

Continue Reading Dating advice from the First Lady…

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