Dating is Elementary: The ABCs of Dating

April 9, 2010 at 11:30 am | Posted in Dating Tips | Leave a comment
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Tristan Coopersmith is a love stylist, helping women architect their ideal love lives. She is also the author of MENu Dating: Taste Test Your Way to the Main Course– a single girl’s guide to falling in like, falling in love and falling into bed. Check out her book in retailers nationwide, online and on her site: http://www.menudatingonline.com. For musings on dating, follow her on twitter: @tristan_coop.

To become an ace student of dating, it is all about putting what you learn into action. Burying yourself in textbooks and lessons can only take you so far so here is a cliff notes, crash course in dating designed to give you insta-success this weekend out in the dating playground. Don’t worry about failing – there is no such thing – it is all about risking error to learn from the trial. So study your ABCs and have fun in the field! I look forward to hearing about what you learn!

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A Toast to Jim and Jenny

April 7, 2010 at 10:31 am | Posted in Dating Tips, Relationships | Leave a comment
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It’s not my forte to dish on celeb couplings and decouplings. After all, who am I to have an opinion about people I don’t know, not to mention I consider celebs people just like you and I (particularly the likes of Jim Carrey – I’ve had lunch with him and he couldn’t be sweeter, smarter, more real). Buuuuuuuut… yesterday when Jim and Jenny announced the news of their breakup, surprisingly to me, I was profoundly struck. If you missed it, the twosome left little for speculation (in a very unHollywood move), by personally and very maturely (which only makes me love them that much more) announcing their breakup via Twitter:

Jim Carrey: Jenny and I have just ended our 5yr relationship. I’m grateful 4 the many blessings we’ve shared and I wish her the very best! S’okay!

Jenny McCarthy: Im so grateful for the years Jim and I had together. I will stay committed to Jane and will always keep Jim as a leading man in my heart.

As expected the wire went abuzz with questions surrounding what could have gone wrong, especially since they seemed like the perfect couple, publicly supporting each other and just as recently as Valentine’s Day Jenny offered up a grand display of love in the sky for Jim, to which he replied via Twitter his massive appreciation and love for Jenny. Frankly though, I could care less… that’s between the two of them. I think, the media focus should be on what went right. Finally, a high profile celeb couple separated respectfully. But you won’t see the media cover that. It will dig for shame, betrayal, dirt of any kind. That’s how jaded we’ve become. My guess – it won’t find any. But instead of shining a teachable light on this wonderful couple, it will just move on to find an ugly, scandal-ridden breakup.

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OMG… Did She Just Say That?!?!

March 31, 2010 at 8:46 am | Posted in Dating Tips | Leave a comment
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During my years as a New York subway rider I learned the art of eavesdropping. I found that to pass commuter time I could glean amazing insights from swiftly listening in on other people’s conversations. The things I picked up ranged from hilarious to absurd to enlightening to downright disgusting and everything in between. Since having moved to LA my easy eavesdropping opportunities have diminished drastically but lately my ears have perked up to some sentiments too juicy not to share… and guess what, it isn’t the guys who are dishing ittongue biters – it’s the ladies. So, here from my ears to your screen, a few things I’ve heard lately definitely not worth repeating:

WHAT SHE SAID: “I’m on the rag – you have no shot.” – a woman to a guy who was checking her out (at Target)

WHAT HE THOUGHT: She’s a crass, pretentious bitch who probably really needs to get laid

WHAT SHE SAID: “We can spend the evening fighting over me or you can each buy me a glass of wine.” – a woman talking to two older men (at a wine bar)

WHAT THEY THOUGHT: She’s a gold digger or potential threesome

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“Here” Again… Thank God!

March 29, 2010 at 1:32 pm | Posted in Dating Tips, Relationships | Leave a comment
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“I can’t believe I’m back here again,” sighed my broken-hearted friend, channeling Aiden (from SATC), to which I asked, “Where?” She replied, “Right here. All by myself. Alone……….. Single.” Without taking offense to what I’d like to think of as a prominent role in my dear friend’s life, I understood where she was coming from. She is fresh out of a breakup – a breakup with a guy that she thought could be her forever guy. It’s true, uncoupling is never easy. It’s never fun. But it’s not supposed to be. It is supposed to release you from what isn’t perfectly right for you to give you the freedom to continue on your explorative path to get you to what is. Taking a deep breath and knowing this, sometimes can be just what you need to begin healing and reconstructing… that along with re-thinking the meaning of the place called, “here.”

“Here.” Yes, a place that can feel lonely, rejecting, embarrassing, deflating, full of questions, confusing, a place that feels like it can only be comforted by tequila, ice cream, Pringles, boy bitch-fests and the emptying of tissue boxes. But it is also a place of opportunity to grow. To grow strong and wise. A place to clear your head and understand your heart. A place to evaluate where you’ve been (FYI: all your other “here’s” you’ve experienced are not created equal), where you are and where you want to go. A place to be thankful for your relationship – be it short or long term, every relationship can be considered purposeful if when you arrive at its end, you take the time to look in the rear view mirror critically and unravel it, celebrating the good times and learning from the rocky ones… this makes the time spent in it, instead of seemingly regretful, worth it. And finally “here” is a place to push the restart button. A place to start with a blank canvas again, only this time with more knowledge of the color palette that brings out the best love and life in you.

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Opt In… To Inspiration

March 24, 2010 at 11:43 am | Posted in Dating Tips | Leave a comment
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Tristan Coopersmith is the author of MENu Dating: Taste Test Your Way to the Main Course– a single girl’s guide to falling in like, falling in love and falling into bed. Check out her book in retailers nationwide, online and on her site: http://www.menudatingonline.com. For musings on dating, follow her on twitter: @tristan_coop.

I’m a sweets-a-holic. If you know me, you know that I can’t pass up a dessert menu, my therapy comes in the form of baking and in my house anytime is a good time for celebratory birthday cake and ice cream. That said, as of yesterday, I’m on a sugar hiatus – a challenge brought on by none other than my mother (ironically, another glutton for glucose).

Since I made this commitment, I have seen no less than 3 Duncan Hines commercials, noticed not one, not two, but THREE new treat shops in my neighborhood and seriously, are the Girl Scouts on a mission to make the world fat because they seem to be on as many corners as a Starbucks in Seattle. WTF?!

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Singles (Not Just Students) Ought to Spring into Spring Break

March 22, 2010 at 12:20 pm | Posted in Dating Tips, Uncategorized | 1 Comment
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Tristan Coopersmith is the author of MENu Dating: Taste Test Your Way to the Main Course– a single girl’s guide to falling in like, falling in love and falling into bed. Check out her book in retailers nationwide, online and on her site: http://www.menudatingonline.com. For musings on dating, follow her on twitter: @tristan_coop.

When the clocks spring forward, NCAA bracket bets put a dent in your latte budget and girls capitalize on the slightest drop in temperature by flaunting their latest sundress score, you can just feel Spring Break in the air. Whether you are in college or have been out as long as Dewey Decimal, if you are single, you should be going on and celebrating Spring Break.

A week in Cancun complete with body shots, flashing for reality TV show cameras and unlimited casual encounters with guys whose names are not required, you say? Not exactly. What I’m prescribing is Spring Break liberation – a dusting off of winter’s past – whether you’ve been through a recent breakup, swore this was your season for good lovin but all you got was chapped lips, had a series of miserable dates, a lackluster boyfriend who kept you cozy but not inspired, put off dating to concentrate on your career meanwhile finding yourself less than fulfilled by a battery operated replacement or a bum booty call – whatever you need to shed, and however you choose to shed it – be it indulging in a raucous, leave-the-camera-at-home, Spring Break adventure, all stereotypes included, or opt for a week away with the girls to a more mature destination (i.e. shoes and shirt required at dinner, drinks that come in glasses not plastic cups, etc), a Spring Break getaway can be just what a single girl needs to say buh-bye to the winter blues and spring into summer with confidence and optimism. So gather your BFFs, treat yourself to a cute new swimsuit and book some last minute tickets to somewhere that serves girly drinks out of coconuts… the rest as detailed below, will follow:

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Making a Move on Love

March 18, 2010 at 7:51 pm | Posted in Dating Tips, Uncategorized | Leave a comment
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Tristan Coopersmith is the author of MENu Dating: Taste Test Your Way to the Main Course– a single girl’s guide to falling in like, falling in love and falling into bed. Check out her book in retailers nationwide, online and on her site: http://www.menudatingonline.com. For musings on dating, follow her on twitter: @tristan_coop.

Being in L-O-V-E. There is nothing like it. That sugary sweet feeling that flutters all throughout your body, running through your heart and bursting into every vein, every muscle, every ounce of you. It is the feeling of grinning on the inside. It is exciting, thrilling, magical. For some it can be scary, unknowing, a wild ride. Love is the most sought after feeling in the world – above power, happiness and success. For many, they expect and or wish upon a star that something so treasured, so valuable will just land in their lap. But, like all great things, love gains value through being hard won. So instead of just waiting to stumble upon great love, remember that love can be sought, which not only increases your chances of getting it, but the experiences you have and the learnings you will acquire along your journey towards it, will make you more prepared for it’s great responsibility once you finally do meet love head on.

Still not sold? OK… unless you think you might fall for your pizza delivery guy, here are three more reasons you shouldn’t wait for love to come a knockin’ and instead, go out and man shop (i.e. flirt, hit on a guy, pick up a man) this weekend:

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Stuck on Single for the Wrong Reason

March 17, 2010 at 7:29 pm | Posted in Dating Tips, Relationships | Leave a comment
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Tristan Coopersmith is the author of MENu Dating: Taste Test Your Way to the Main Course– a single girl’s guide to falling in like, falling in love and falling into bed. Check out her book in retailers nationwide, online and on her site: http://www.menudatingonline.com. For musings on dating, follow her on twitter: @tristan_coop.

Over the past week I’ve had conversations with three fabulous women, all deliberately stuck on single because of their reportedly thiefing exes. Fab gal #1 claims her ex-love stole her independence and until she gets it back, which she plans to do by joining a women’s networking group, connecting with her friends and re-focusing on the career, she refuses to date. Fab gal #2 claims her ex-love nabbed her security and until she loses 10 pounds, grows out her hair and can afford a whole new wardrobe, she won’t even think about dating again. And finally, fab gal #3 claims her ex-love deprived her of her interest in culture and learning and is determined to re-immerse herself through regularly attending plays, festivals and classes – once she feels fascinating enough again to be date worthy, she will jump back in the game.

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Spring Cleaning Your Man

March 16, 2010 at 1:06 pm | Posted in Dating Tips | 1 Comment
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Tristan Coopersmith is the author of MENu Dating: Taste Test Your Way to the Main Course– a single girl’s guide to falling in like, falling in love and falling into bed. Check out her book in retailers nationwide, online and on her site: http://www.menudatingonline.com. For musings on dating, follow her on twitter: @tristan_coop.

Spring has officially sprung. Now that the clocks have moved forward the days will get longer, winter’s cozier layers will reveal hot summer bods and all across the globe women will not only clean out their closets, boyfriends will also be discarded like last season’s trends.

That’s right, we’ve entered breakup season. All winter long lovebirds have been hibernating with their significant others, spending long, cold nights together – playing Jenga, watching movie marathons, enjoying winter getaways and bottomless cups of cocoa. What may have seemed so perfect in December when you were trading overflowing stockings, may have become tiresome (“Oh you again?”) or nerve rattling (“How could have ever found your snoring adorable?!”) And now that the sun has started to shine, you may now see possibilities abounding indicating to you it is time to trade in the old to make room for something new… and better.

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Decoding Dealbreakers 2

March 11, 2010 at 10:34 am | Posted in Dating Tips, Relationships | Leave a comment

Tristan Coopersmith is the author of MENu Dating: Taste Test Your Way to the Main Course– a single girl’s guide to falling in like, falling in love and falling into bed. Check out her book in retailers nationwide, online and on her site: http://www.menudatingonline.com. For musings on dating, follow her on twitter: @tristan_coop.

The topic of dealbreakers just can’t seem to be broken these days so we might as well keep talking about it until we feel we’ve satisfactorily decoded what it all means. Since we’ve been conditioned to believe that there is “the one” out there for us we owe it to ourselves to evaluate each guy that comes into our lives with discriminating thought to see if he qualifies for this esteemed position. That’s just plain logical if you believe you deserve gold medal love – the question stirring about lately though is “Does that perfect guy really exist, or should I just settle for “Mr. Good Enough”? By now you should already know where I stand on this (if not see: http://www.menudatingonline.com/menudating-blog/167-decoding-dealbreakers AND http://www.menudatingonline.com/menudating-blog/164-if-relationships-were-an-olympic-sport) and although I don’t believe that Cupid has cruel intentions thereby making true love so impossible to find such that there’s only one possible perfect pairing out there for you, I do think that evaluation of relationships and of self is all a necessary part of the process (In MENu Dating I call it “manalysis”) to uncover what will eventually be the necessary ingredients for a healthy, form-fitting, supremely rich and satisfying relationship… and no, you shouldn’t settle for anything less until you arrive at just that.

Continue Reading Decoding Dealbreakers 2…

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