Dating is Elementary: The ABCs of Dating

April 9, 2010 at 11:30 am | Posted in Dating Tips | Leave a comment
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Tristan Coopersmith is a love stylist, helping women architect their ideal love lives. She is also the author of MENu Dating: Taste Test Your Way to the Main Course– a single girl’s guide to falling in like, falling in love and falling into bed. Check out her book in retailers nationwide, online and on her site: http://www.menudatingonline.com. For musings on dating, follow her on twitter: @tristan_coop.

To become an ace student of dating, it is all about putting what you learn into action. Burying yourself in textbooks and lessons can only take you so far so here is a cliff notes, crash course in dating designed to give you insta-success this weekend out in the dating playground. Don’t worry about failing – there is no such thing – it is all about risking error to learn from the trial. So study your ABCs and have fun in the field! I look forward to hearing about what you learn!

A is for Acting like who you think a guy wants you to be always backfires. Think of this like wearing a padded bra. Eventually the padded bra is going to come off revealing the real flat-chested you and the real dissappointed him. So instead of chameleoning yourself into what you think he wants, play yourself instead – you get an academy award for that role every time.

B is for Believing in love which instantly makes you more lovable. When you have faith that someday you will fall into true love, that feeling shines through every ounce of your being and projects out into the world. You become a magnetic ball of loveable energy that is irresistible to men.

C is for Cupid strikes those open for business. Cupid isn’t an equal opportunity shooter. He seeks those open to the idea of dating – meaning if you stay cooped up in your apartment reading old issues of UsWeekly on Friday nights, stay buried in your iPod in cafes to avoid having strangers talk to you, or are convinced all the good guys are taken or are gay – you will never got shot by love’s arrow.

D is for Don’t be afraid of commitment; be afraid of committing to the wrong guy. Commitment to another person is one of life’s most beautiful unions. It shouldn’t be feared; it should be desired and honored and such that, not taken lightly. Approach commitment with care and diligence, taking your time as a sign of respect for yourself.

E is for Expectations ought to be realistic. Instead of going out shopping for a husband, shop for a good time. Keep things simple and in the present. Live in the moment to keep your sanity and potential future with your guy, intact.

F is for Flirting should feel like a mini orgasm: Powerful, mysterious and magnetic. The goal is to leave your target wanting to come back for more.

G is for Go for the gold medal in love. Don’t accept good enough – not the silver, not the bronze. Believe that you are worthy of the best possible love in your love and never quit until you arrive at it, even if that means holding out for a little longer than you expected. Waking up next to a gold medal guy every day will make it worth the wait and effort.

H is for Happier women have happier love lives. It is hard to attract a great guy if all you’ve got to offer is a sub-par or problem filled life. Go out and build yourself an ooey gooey sticky sweet sundae of a life – one that a man can be the cherry on top of. Great relationships are ones in which partners are compliments to each other’s already wonderful lives, not solutions to their broken ones.

I is for Increase your odds of meeting someone special by expanding your dating playgrounds beyond being double-fisted in a bar or online. The whole world can be seen as an opportunity to meet someone datable if you have your eyes and heart open. There’s no wrong place to meet Mr. Right.

J is for Joke’s on you if you think finding happily-ever-after is supposed to be a breeze. Falling in like and love (and sometimes into bed) is one fabulously flawed process. Love is the greatest treasure you will ever find, but you have to go through many experiences, which prepare you for the responsibility of it. That’s what dating does – if you do it right, it trains you – it’s like boot camp.

K is for Kissing is a critical preview. If a guy’s kissing skills are lackluster, don’t expect much from his sex skills. Bad kissing is to good sex as a bad script is to a good movie – it doesn’t exist, so save yourself for someone who can really liplock.

L is for Love luck. Being unlucky in love is not about a bad dice roll or crappy fortune cookie. It is about being unopen to love; to change that, you need to free your fears. It is about being stupid about love; to change that, you need to free your self-love. It is about being unavailable to love; to change that, you need to free your heart.

M is for Mengagement. Guys love to be hit on so don’t just wait shyly by for them to come over, go get what you want! Beat tongue-tiedness by banking on these foolproof pickup methods to engage with men: 1) Ask for help, 2) Compliment him, 3) Share something with him, like food, or 4) a sweet and simple, “Hello!”

N is for Never marry someone you haven’t taken a roadtrip with, haven’t had a blowout fight with and then actually resolved it (not just kiss, made up and swept the issue under the rug), haven’t had a heart to heart with their key family members, haven’t played co-parent with to some bratty kids to for a long weekend.

O is for Own your love status. Take responsibility for where you are. Don’t blame your ex or your daddy issues. Work through 100% of your 50% in everything. Envision where you want to be – what ideal love looks like to you – in order to get there.

P is for Pay attention to what’s in front of you to know what lies ahead of you. What you see is most always what you get and while potential can be wrapped up in a pretty package, it is slippery for your heart to make decisions in the present based on what you hope might happen in the future.

Q is for Quality sometimes is arrived at through quantity. Nix the notion that it should only take x number of dates or that you ought to be married off by x age. Instead of working to beat some type of clock, put your love life on an experience line, not a timeline. Commit to being a smart, seasoned dater, no matter how long or how many dates it takes. We cannot control when love will strike but we will never be successful at it if we are not ready. Being ready comes with experience.

R is for Repetition in dating (i.e. dating loser after losing, always being the doormat, etc.) is a result of not learning from your mistakes. Dating is like algebra. You need to identify the variable that creates negative results and change it if you want a different outcome.

S is for Sell your cleavage… and not the form that is measurable and held up by straps and a wire. Every girl has something about her that is just as sexy, just as magnetically attractive to the male species as boob gutter, and probably even more so since it is weighted in substance. Figure out what your cleavage is, push it up miracle bra style and market that when you go out into the dating playground next.

T is for Technology can kill your flirting game. Buds in your ears or having your pretty little face buried in your smart phone is like holding up a “do not disturb” sign, warding off potential cuties from coming your way. Burst your tech bubble to have a better shot of pushing the buttons of a man instead.

U is for Until you try something on for size, give it a ride or taste it, you have no idea if you like it. The more you sample, the more specifically you will be able to fine-tune your wants and your needs, both emotionally and physically – and that is the point of dating. Explore all options that come your way so that when you make your final decision, you do so with confidence.

V is for Vajazzling fail. Don’t do it. Just wax your hoo-ha into a respectable, minimalistic style. Hand-placed Swarovski crystals down there says to a guy that you have too much money, too much time and that you need too much attention.

W is for Wear one statement accessory always – a funky hat, a bold watch, a unique, necklace, a daring belt – something that will help a guy kickstart a conversation with you. Don’t overdo it though. Less is more when it comes to fashion and know that the very best accessory you can wear is a beautiful smile.

X is for Xes are in the trash for good reason so really carefully consider it when you resurrect them. A case of retrosexualitis is usually due to loneliness, laziness, regret or horniness. Remember that a movie sequel is rarely as good and certainly never better than the first one, so your energy is better spent on finding new love than it is on recycling old love.

Y is for You deserve what you accept; you accept what you deserve. Decide what you believe you deserve and accept nothing less than that. After all, you deserve it, right?

Z is for Zip it! On the first few dates, if you want to see more of him, avoid the following taboo topics: soulmates/destiny/fate, upcoming weddings you need a date for, ex-boyfriends or the number of guys you’ve bedded, your therapist or bouts in rehab, your perfectly mapped out plans for the future and current debt or your trust fund.

Live and love largely,

Professor Tristan

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