In Defense of John Mayer

Tristan Coopersmith is the author of MENu Dating: Taste Test Your Way to the Main Course– a single girl’s guide to falling in like, falling in love and falling into bed. Check out her book in retailers nationwide, online and on her site: http://www.menudatingonline.com For musings on dating, follow her on twitter: @tristan_coop.

I’ve long loved John Mayer. Not for his ballads or his boyish good looks… truth be told both are a little soft and predictable (particularly his pseudo rock boy tatted sleeve) for my taste. I’ve met him a few times for business purposes although he wouldn’t remember because he can be as self-indulgent as the press implies, past girlfriends complain about and his own tweets admit, and he is more of a tortured soul that I can bare, but alas my love for John John is strong because his approach to love is smart. It goes a little something like this:

John is a believer in L-O-V-E.

According to his recent Rolling Stone interview, “he knows she (i.e. the one for him) is out there and he will not stop until he finds her. And her Joshua Tree of vaginas.” After all, this former pizza face shy guy with no lady game has dedicated his life to serenading women worldwide with his anthems of heartbreak and heart hope… what stronger proof do we need?

Love lesson learned from John: Believe in love because it makes you more lovable.

John isn’t willing to settle.

And perhaps it is John’s strong belief in almighty love that won’t allow him to settle. In regards to America’s sweetheart Jennifer Aniston he’d say this to her, “I like you extremely well. But I have to back out of this because it doesn’t arc over the horizon. This is not where I see myself for the rest of my life. This is not my ideal destiny.” He knows that when you love yourself you know you deserve the most tailor fitted partner to ride to the end of the road with… having such a high regard for one’s self should be applauded, not scolded.

Love lesson learned from John: Don’t be fearful of commitment; be afraid to commit to the wrong person.

John is on an experience line, not on a timeline.

At 32 John and his first love, his guitar, are not putting a timeline on love. Although admittingly and endearingly he would like to find a life partner, the clock is not ticking and he’d rather deal with public criticisms (and god only knows what grief his mama gives him,) and continue collecting the necessary experience he needs, to get this big thing we call love, right, than to do it fast.

Love lesson learned from John: Relinquish yourself of the pressure of timelines –your time will come when you have learned all you need to know to prepare you for great love.

John is intently living a single life… so he doesn’t Tiger Woods his future wife.

In the RS article John boasts of a Vegas 3+some (exact number not indicated) he had. He did it because he could. He didn’t have to ask anyone permission, offer an explanation or a word of apology because for now, he is single. John like the rest of us may not know exactly what or where his oat is, but he is smart enough to know that he needs to sow it now so that he isn’t tempted to later on, once he commits to his ideal destiny.

Love lesson learned from John: Unleash recklessness and irresponsibility from your life now so you don’t have urges that will do damage to your sacred love later.

John has peripheral dating vision.

From a stripper named Dimple$ to poptarts like Jessica Simpson to girl-next-doors like Minka Kelly, John’s willingness to taste test all the flavors that like and love have to offer demonstrate that he has a concerted interest in finding someone that rocks his world. He is open-minded in who that someone could be (although let it be known he confirms in the RS article that he is “straight as an arrow”).

Love lesson learned from John: Until you try something on for size, give it a ride, or taste it, you have no idea if you like it.

John has become a disciple of love.

It is clear that this cat has learned about love from loving… deeply. Just listen to his music – he knows his way not only around a woman’s body (“Your Body is a Wonderland”) but around her heart too and along the way, he’s gotten to know his own heart too. The proof is in his discography:

And according to Rolling Stone, through his vast dating experiences, he’s uncovered some less deep, but equally important findings like, he wants “to be the only famous person in my family.” John also told RS, “I’m smart enough now to only consider coupling with people who are smart, worldly, capable, and are capacious intellectually in some way.” Guess Jessica “Is this chicken or fish?” Simpson wouldn’t make the cut with this love enlightened Mayer, now would she?

Love lesson learned from John: The most satisfying part of an experience is uncovering the learning in it later.

So don’t mistake John Mayer for a player, he’s no player, he’s a menu dater, to boot… a man who professes a desire for commitment but isn’t willing to settle. A man who is working hard to understand his wants and his needs and become a better person along the way through exploring all of his options. And when he finds that love, rest assured it will be in a bigger, brighter package than he or the world that is watching ever imagined and the recipient of his love will be lucky, because he will be ready for it. And while the critics may not get him yet, John says, “this will all make perfect sense someday.”

xx, Tristan