Singles (Not Just Students) Ought to Spring into Spring Break

March 22, 2010 at 12:20 pm | Posted in Dating Tips, Uncategorized | 1 Comment
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Tristan Coopersmith is the author of MENu Dating: Taste Test Your Way to the Main Course– a single girl’s guide to falling in like, falling in love and falling into bed. Check out her book in retailers nationwide, online and on her site: http://www.menudatingonline.com. For musings on dating, follow her on twitter: @tristan_coop.

When the clocks spring forward, NCAA bracket bets put a dent in your latte budget and girls capitalize on the slightest drop in temperature by flaunting their latest sundress score, you can just feel Spring Break in the air. Whether you are in college or have been out as long as Dewey Decimal, if you are single, you should be going on and celebrating Spring Break.

A week in Cancun complete with body shots, flashing for reality TV show cameras and unlimited casual encounters with guys whose names are not required, you say? Not exactly. What I’m prescribing is Spring Break liberation – a dusting off of winter’s past – whether you’ve been through a recent breakup, swore this was your season for good lovin but all you got was chapped lips, had a series of miserable dates, a lackluster boyfriend who kept you cozy but not inspired, put off dating to concentrate on your career meanwhile finding yourself less than fulfilled by a battery operated replacement or a bum booty call – whatever you need to shed, and however you choose to shed it – be it indulging in a raucous, leave-the-camera-at-home, Spring Break adventure, all stereotypes included, or opt for a week away with the girls to a more mature destination (i.e. shoes and shirt required at dinner, drinks that come in glasses not plastic cups, etc), a Spring Break getaway can be just what a single girl needs to say buh-bye to the winter blues and spring into summer with confidence and optimism. So gather your BFFs, treat yourself to a cute new swimsuit and book some last minute tickets to somewhere that serves girly drinks out of coconuts… the rest as detailed below, will follow:

Continue Reading Singles (Not Just Students) Ought to Spring into Spring Break…

Making a Move on Love

March 18, 2010 at 7:51 pm | Posted in Dating Tips, Uncategorized | Leave a comment
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Tristan Coopersmith is the author of MENu Dating: Taste Test Your Way to the Main Course– a single girl’s guide to falling in like, falling in love and falling into bed. Check out her book in retailers nationwide, online and on her site: http://www.menudatingonline.com. For musings on dating, follow her on twitter: @tristan_coop.

Being in L-O-V-E. There is nothing like it. That sugary sweet feeling that flutters all throughout your body, running through your heart and bursting into every vein, every muscle, every ounce of you. It is the feeling of grinning on the inside. It is exciting, thrilling, magical. For some it can be scary, unknowing, a wild ride. Love is the most sought after feeling in the world – above power, happiness and success. For many, they expect and or wish upon a star that something so treasured, so valuable will just land in their lap. But, like all great things, love gains value through being hard won. So instead of just waiting to stumble upon great love, remember that love can be sought, which not only increases your chances of getting it, but the experiences you have and the learnings you will acquire along your journey towards it, will make you more prepared for it’s great responsibility once you finally do meet love head on.

Still not sold? OK… unless you think you might fall for your pizza delivery guy, here are three more reasons you shouldn’t wait for love to come a knockin’ and instead, go out and man shop (i.e. flirt, hit on a guy, pick up a man) this weekend:

Continue Reading Making a Move on Love…

Dating Homeruns

March 10, 2010 at 11:47 am | Posted in Dating Tips, Relationships, Uncategorized | 2 Comments
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Tristan Coopersmith is the author of MENu Dating: Taste Test Your Way to the Main Course– a single girl’s guide to falling in like, falling in love and falling into bed. Check out her book in retailers nationwide, online and on her site: http://www.menudatingonline.com. For musings on dating, follow her on twitter: @tristan_coop.

Lately I’ve been obsessing over relationship status changes on Facebook. The complexity that this public display brings about has been written about many times over – that’s not what has me intrigued. What has me intrigued is the way that friends respond to relationship status updates. My research (it should be noted that it is informal and therefore statistically insignificant) shows that generally speaking guys get virtually hi-5’d and given invites to strip clubs when their status moves from “in a relationship” to “single” whereas girls get a virtual pity party and offers of consolation (i.e. “I’m so sorry sweetie. He was no good for you anyway”) when their status does the same. On the flipside, when girls move in the opposite direction from “single” to “in a relationship”, they get congratulated, however guys typically receive no comment or something sarcastic (i.e. “Another one bites the dust).

So this all has me thinking, why is being “in a relationship” this giant homerun for women? What makes it a symbol of achievement worthy of congratulations? A box that when unchecked makes us need a pity party? And what if we started making other boxes the success metric? Might we feel uplifted more of the time?

I remember when I played softball as a kid. I wasn’t the knock-it-out-of-the-park hitter, so since there was little to no chance that I was going to get a homerun despite my thinking that was the only way I could be great, my dad set up smaller goals for me. Goals like just getting a hit, avoiding a strike out, learning to judge a walk vs. a hit ball, catching the ball when I was in the outfield, throwing it in to the right plate and so on. Instead of fixating on racking up homeruns, I began concentrating on developing other skills. And after a few seasons, I actually became a pretty good all around player.

Accordingly, try thinking of your dating skills as opportunities for victories; consider those moments homeruns, not just an end of the road relationship. Celebrate them! Celebrate when you flirt like a pro! Celebrate when you have the courage to call a new mandidate! Celebrate when you let go of a guy who you know isn’t worth your time! Celebrate a great 1st date, 2nd date! Celebrate handling rejection with a laugh, a new outfit, a great orgasm! By celebrating your micro achievements you’ll increase your playing stamina, try harder and ultimately improve your game.

Live and love largely,

Tristan

Building Your Ooey Gooey Sundae of A Life

February 24, 2010 at 11:32 am | Posted in Dating Tips, Relationships, Uncategorized | Leave a comment
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Tristan Coopersmith is the author of MENu Dating: Taste Test Your Way to the Main Course– a single girl’s guide to falling in like, falling in love and falling into bed. Check out her book in retailers nationwide, online and on her site: http://www.menudatingonline.com. For musings on dating, follow her on twitter: @tristan_coop.

Wanted: Unstable girl with baggage heavier than a house, a lackluster life with highlights that include watching reruns of America’s Got Talent, a promising career in glue stick sales, a cat collection, 11 online profiles and only goes out on Sundays.

Not exactly a highly sought after profile! If the script was flipped, would you want that kind of guy? I don’t think so.

To get a great man, you need to get a great life. Simply, and as sales pitchy as it sounds, you need to have something to offer. If your life sucks and thus you are offering up a platter full of problems or a dish of doldrums, why would any guy want to jump on board? On the contrary, if your life rocks, then they come running to be a part of it.

Think of your life as a sundae and build it to be as ooey gooey, rich and delicious as possible.

Start with a great dish. A GREAT dish. Not some average paper cup or wimpy cone that sogs out after a few minutes. Your sundae’s dish is your life’s foundation. It needs to be strong. It needs to withstand whatever gets thrown into. Take your time to make your dish beautiful inside and out and know that over the course of time, particularly through moments of growth, it will need love, attention and repair.

Now fill your dish with the BEST, MOST POSITIVE people – friends and family that fill your tank with joy and inspiration – people that when you leave them, you feel more fulfilled than you did when you arrived. Fill your dish with a STIMULATING job – a job that excites you and makes you want to do your best because it makes you feel good inside. Evaluate and re-evaluate the ice cream in your dish to ensure that it is as sweet and rich as can be.

Sprinkle your sundae with the extras – things that simply make you smile on the inside. This could be a sewing class, walks on the beach, maintaining a personal blog, volunteering, going to church, kickboxing, thrifting – anything that makes your life a little more flavorful. Try new additions from time to time to re-energize your sundae, and share these little extras with the people that you love, too.

Finally, the best part – topping off your sundae with a bright red cherry. Once you’ve built an ooey gooey delight complete with a strong foundation that can support all of the goodness you’ve put inside, attracting the sweet red cherry is easy because you have such an inviting offering. What guy wouldn’t want to have a taste of such an awesomely delectable life?! Plus when you are out there building your sundae you are increasing your chances of meeting someone great because you are living life as opposed to being cooped up in your apartment making out with a copy of UsWeekly and a box of takeout. Remember though, don’t settle for a fruitcake of a man. You can have and deserve to have someone with an equally ooey gooey sundae of a life that will allow you to delight in each other’s decadence, making your life only that much sweeter.

Live and love largely,
Tristan

This Valentine’s Day, Get A Heart On: 7 Reasons You Should Believe In Love Even If You’re Not In It

February 12, 2010 at 11:24 am | Posted in Dating Tips, Uncategorized | Leave a comment
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Tristan Coopersmith is the author of MENu Dating: Taste Test Your Way to the Main Course– a single girl’s guide to falling in like, falling in love and falling into bed. Check out her book in retailers nationwide, online and on her site: http://www.menudatingonline.com For musings on dating, follow her on twitter: @tristan_coop.

This time of year a barrage of pre-packaged, hallmark love wrapped in pink and red cuteness bombards us from every which way, forcing us to stare love in the face. From stuffed bears and singing cards to heart-shaped diamond pendants and 5-course dinner specials ending with a kissing swan soufflé, it can all make you want to bitch slap Cupid in the face if you aren’t coupled up at the moment. But just because you are not IN love right now, doesn’t mean you can’t believe in it. Here, 7 reasons to see beyond the waxy artificial chocolate and vomit inducing PDA, and believe in real deal love this Valentine’s Day.

1. You already have love in your life! Reprogram the way you think about V-Day. Remember it is a celebration of L-O-V-E. Not just couple love but all kinds of love. Concentrate on how lucky in love you already are and take a moment to appreciate the people you love and that love you right now.

2. Believing in love makes u more lovable. No man wants to be with a woman who doesn’t have her heart open to the idea of falling in love. If you turn your back on love, love will turn its back on you. Similarly if you greet love with open arms, it will come to you freely and openly.

3. It is literally good for you to have love in your life. Having love in our lives increases the levels of dopamine in our brains, which causes positive effects in all areas of our lives.

4. The alternative sucks. Are you seriously going to sit in your house on Cupid’s Day with a face mask in your jammies eating a gallon of ice cream moping to yourself about how unlucky you are in love, or worse yet commiserate with the lonely at an Anti-Valentine’s Day party? It takes a lot more energy to be miserable than it does to be optimistic.

5. If you aren’t a believer, you are a big buzzkill to those around you. Bitching about how much you hate V-Day, how commercial it is, how anyone who celebrates it should be shot, emits bad energy into the universe. Be afraid because Cupid IS watching. He’s got a bag full of arrows ready to shoot… and do you really think he is going to waste an arrow on a grinch like you? I think not.

6. If you give up on love, you decrease your chances of finding it. Life is short and hanging up a closed for business sign, even for a day, minimizes your chances of finding someone worth cashing in on.

7. Deep down inside you know you already do believe. Come on, admit, you can think of at least one couple that is head over heels in love… one couple that you admire for their undying devotion… one couple that you think, ‘that is worth holding out for’… proof that you are already at your core, a believer.

So instead of looking at the 14th as doomsday, put on your hottest red thong, go treat yourself to a box of chocolate and get inspired by Valentine’s Day! Absorb the love that is all around and just think, soon you could be one half of a couple dancing to Cupid’s cheesy beat.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Live and love largely,
Tristan

Sin City Sans You… 8 reasons you should let you man go to Vegas without you

February 6, 2010 at 9:36 am | Posted in Dating Tips, Relationships, Uncategorized | Leave a comment
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Tristan Coopersmith is the author of MENu Dating: Taste Test Your Way to the Main Course– a single girl’s guide to falling in like, falling in love and falling into bed. Check out her book in retailers nationwide, online and on her site: http://www.menudatingonline.com For musings on dating, follow her on twitter: @tristan_coop.

I just landed in Vegas to join what I imagine will be zillions of guys who have managed to score get-outta-jail-free cards to enjoy the Super Bowl this weekend in Sin City. And I started thinking about all of the panicky women they have left behind – the girlfriends and fiancées who are begged for them not to go, set ultimatums if they did go, faked an encouraging send off so they looked cool while meanwhile they had an inner anxiety attack or tried to pack themselves in their man’s suitcases.

I get it. Vegas isn’t called Sin City for nothing. It is a town built on debauchery. In every inch around every corner, temptation lurks. It is a city designed to fulfill fantasies and preys on free men looking to have unadulterated fun. There is no denying it. So I understand why women get insecure about sending their man there for the weekend but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t, in fact, you must! And here’s why:

1. Guys need time in the treehouse. Unlike women who can keep up with each other via regular phone, email, Facebook or coffee chats, guys need irregular but concentrated bursts of face time – raw male bonding… just like they did when they were kids in their clubhouses. Time to tell stories, bitch about their girlfriends, let it all hang out (literally), do the noogie thing (seriously) – just be guys.

2. Time apart is evidence of a secure relationship. If you are worried about your guy cheating on you with Ginger Snap the stripper, think about he has done to earn this worry before you jump to this conclusion. Has he cheated on you before? If not, why would he now? When you put your trust in a good guy, the last thing he wants to do is break that trust. A guy can be like a rebellious teenager – accuse him of doing something he hasn’t done and he is more likely to go off and do it.

3. Vegas is so much more of a fantasy than a reality. Truth be told most of what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas because not much of it is even worth talking about. Guys have grand ideas of what will go on but when they get there most of them just drink, gamble, eat too much at the buffets, maybe look at some strippers (which is seriously harmless) and throw up a few times.

4. You wouldn’t freak out over NYC, Atlanta, New Orleans or any other big city. Here’s the thing – a guy who wants to get in trouble can find trouble wherever he wants it. You wouldn’t tell your man not to go on a business trip to Boston or to a college reunion with his frat boys to Chicago. Truthfully, if he wants to commit sin, he can do it in the city you live in. Either you trust him, or you don’t. If you don’t, you shouldn’t be with him at all.

5. Saran Wrap girlfriends don’t last long. Chances are your man’s last girlfriend gave him a hard time about going away with the boys so if you don’t, you will prove you are not clingy… and haven’t you always wanted to be that independent, non-possesive girl? Now is your chance. Being that breath of fresh confidence and security will heighten your appeal in his heart plus you will feel better about yourself.

6. Karma is a mutha. At some point, you are going to want to go to Vegas with your girlfriends. Enough said.

7. He will rock you in your bedroom when he gets back! Once he shakes off his sleep deprivation, chances are his libido will be on fire since he hasn’t gotten any for a few days but has been surrounded by it, thus you get to be the beneficiary of all that stored loving. Take this opportunity to show him that Ginger Snap ain’t got nothing on you.

8. Ice cream for dinner. With your man gone for the weekend, you get a weekend all to yourself. Flashback to your single girl days where you had ice cream for dinner, did face masks with your girls, took 3 yoga classes in a day – whatever you want to do, do it – you have no man to consider on this weekend!

The bottom line is that although your man is likely to return to you an unshowered hungover (possibly still slightly drunk) mess after a weekend away with the boys in Sin City, he’s coming back refreshed and ready to re-engage with you, someone who sent him off and welcomed him home confidently, happily and securely, evidence to him, that when it comes to you, he really hit the jackpot!

xx,
Tristan

7 Signs that Say a Woman IS Looking to Hook Up

January 27, 2010 at 8:00 am | Posted in Dating Stories, Dating Tips, Uncategorized | Leave a comment
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Simone Grant is writer from NYC.  She blogs daily at Sex, Lies, & Dating in the City.

So, I was out drinking with some friends.  One of them was a straight guy friend who is completely clueless about women and dating, which I think is kind of charming, in a weird way.  But I’m strange.

I digress, we were just hanging out.  I wasn’t playing wingwoman or anything like that. An hour or so into the evening I made mention of the fact that a (cute) woman sitting not too far from us at the bar was looking to hook up and that if he was interested, she’d totally go home with him.  YES, I said that.  C’mon, there’s nothing wrong with a couple of grown-ups hooking up.

He was a) not interested  – which is SO another story. b) confused as to why I woud say that this woman was looking to hook up.

And so I had to explain to him that there were certain signs that I could read, and that he should probably learn to read.  If he wanted to.  I think it’s fine if some people are just too shy to talk to strangers in that context.  I also think it’s kind of slily that they don’t work to get over that but whatever.  I’m a big fan of online dating and one of the great things about online dating is that it’s perfect for people who are shy like that (and, indeed, my friend met his last couple of gfs online).

Speaking of those signs, I figured I’d do you guys a favor and spell some of them out for you.  Let me be clear here, these are not universal.  Just because a woman does one or some of these things does not mean that she definitely wants to hook up with someone.  Or more importantly, just because a woman does one or more of these things, doesn’t mean she wants to hook up withYOU. So please proceed with caution and manners.

7 Signs that Say a Woman IS Looking to Hook Up

  1. She is out in a group of 3 or 4 women and at least one of them is showing lots of cleavage and/or plenty of leg (women don’t dress that way for each other).
  2. She fusses with her hair in the bar mirror.
  3. She frequently reapplies lipgloss or lipstick.
  4. She’s playing with an empty or nearly empty glass.  Maybe she’s playing with her straw.  Or maybe circling the rim of her wineglass with her finger.  Whatever it is, she’s waiting, hoping that someone will buy her next drink.
  5. She makes frequents trips to the bathroom, alone (which requires her to walk past a group of men).
  6. One of her friends purse bumps you (a woman will frequently bump her purse into a man, not-so-subtly, or elbow him as she walks slowly by to start a conversation).  In my experience, the purse bumper is not usually the woman who is interested in hooking up.  Rather, she’s breaking the ice for a friend of hers.
  7. She is coming up to the bar, alone, to order drinks (each time angling her way in next to a guy, maybe you), thereby ignoring table service.

If you like Dungeons and Dragons, you’ll love this contest

December 29, 2009 at 10:06 am | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment
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If you’re a geek–and if you’re reading this, you probably are–that’s in a need of a help in the love department, dating coach E. Foley (aka Geek’s Dream Girl)  is giving away a $249 to one of its GeekMonthly Matchmaking Mailer (GeekMMM) members to help them start off the New Year in style.

GeekMMM member already benefit from Dream Girl’s monthly newsletter and matchmaking service, setting up geeks with other like-minded members in her database that she thinks might get along. But one lucky GeekMMM bachelor who appreciates elegant code or bachelorette who marvels over well-documented classes will win one of Dream Girl’s Gold d20 Package worth $249.

The Gold d20 Package is a 30 day service package, which includes:

  • The Works Profile Creation
  • Photo Critique
  • Weekly coaching sessions via IMs/email
  • “Freshen Up” profile edits
  • We find matches for you every week!
  • We’ll help you write emails to your matches – 40 first contact emails and unlimited replies to emails you receive during your 30 days.
  • Free membership in GeekMMM!

The winner will be selected with the help of random.org. Current member are already entered in this competition, but newbies can get in on the action by joining GeekMMM by 12 a.m. January 1, 2010 EST.

Avoiding holiday party chit chat hell

December 15, 2009 at 8:00 am | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment
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There’s always that awkward moment after an introduction at a party when you’ve already covered where you’re from, what you do, and how you know the host. Then silence.

Now what? Filling the conversation void is a delicate dance, one where I’m often stepping on other people’s toes. But a healthy dose of press junket cocktail parties in my past career has taught me make reasonably interesting small talk with almost anyone, without resorting to telling embarrassing stories about the host to break the ice (sorry guys!).

Talk about sports, as long as it’s not about Tiger. Sports is one of those universal bonding activities that rarely offend. You would be surprised how much mileage you can get out of this topic and how many people you can incorporate when you reminisce about the two football games you attended in college. It’s almost foolproof, except when it’s about to Tiger Woods, which is hard, because every third news article is about Tiger Woods or one of side dishes. But bringing up Tiger is the same as talking about dead relatives, jilted ex-lovers, and prostitution (fun, but maybe not at a cocktail party?) — it’s not polite conversation because you never know what dirt the conversation might dig up or who you’re going to offend. Just stick to the Heisman award ceremony and whatever you saw on SportsCenter at the bar.

Talk about pets, but know when to shut up (Hint: it’s right before you’re about to show them pictures of your adorable puppy or cutesy kitten on your iPhone). Talking about pets is a lovely, non-threatening, and very socially acceptable conversation topic, and we welcome your funny pet tales and will commiserate about having to walk dogs in the rain. Really, we do! But the second you pull out your mobile phone or digital camera, you’ve gone too far. You’ve put your conversation mate the awkward position of having to feign interest in your child-substitute and pretend to gush over your it as much as you do. It’s sabotage. However, if someone pulls this move on you, it is then your right to return fire with your own pocket stash of puppy videos and kitty stills.

Talk about reality TV, but maybe not about the Jersey Shore. Gushing about reality TV has saved me from many a boring night with strangers that I know nothing about and have little income with because love it or hate it, everyone has an opinion on reality TV. But while most adults have heard about The Real World, The Hills, and My Super Sweet 16, no adult really watches MTV these days. Bringing up Jersey Shore is not in your best interested because 1) no one will know what you’re talking about, 2) you’ve just outed yourself as demographically immature and falling in to the 16-21 market, and 3) risks bringing up racial stereotypes of Italian-American immigrants, which is always followed by, “my family is Italian.” Awkward!

Is this guy right for you? Ask your Virtual Dating Assistant

December 1, 2009 at 9:36 am | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Busy women may need just as much help finding love online as men, but are they willing to pay $480 a month to do it?

Scott Valdez, owner of Virtual Dating Assistants, thinks so.  VDA launched in June and has been helping men create profiles, contact prospective matches, and set up dates. But frequent requests by women encouraged him to expended his company’s services to women who were just as time strapped and online dating clueless as their male counterpart.

“We filter through the masses for that one little gem,” says Valdez.

And anyone who’s looked for love online knows what a tough job that can be, so that hefty monthly fee guarantees clients 40 hours per month of dating assistance and at least two dates per month for his female clients. However, based on the experiences of his beta clients, Valdez says women will probably have about six dates per month.

VDA’s service includes more than just writing a nice profile.

The company is like the online dating version of SEO. Dating assistants update client profiles daily to keep them fresh and at the top of search lists — a tactic that significantly drives up response rates, according to Valdez. He’s found a lot of direct correlation between online dating and direct marketing, and uses similar strategies to help women target and attract men.

But for women, the best feature of this service may be the ability to have a guy screening emails for them. Profiles are generally written by the same gender writer as the client — Valdez says writers have writing in the voice of the opposite sex and he can almost always tell when a profile was written by a man or a woman–but VDA is working on a double screening process that enables emails sent to women to be screened by a man.

That second set of eyes will be able to read between the lines and identify the red flags warning of relationship incompatibility that a woman may misinterpret.

Women may or may not see the value of developing a marketing and branding strategy for their profiles. But the ability to have your own personal “He’s Just Not That Into You” filter for your online dating emails is priceless.

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