Tags: flirting, hooking up, simone grant, tips and tricks
Simone Grant is writer from NYC. She blogs daily at Sex, Lies, & Dating in the City.
So, I was out drinking with some friends. One of them was a straight guy friend who is completely clueless about women and dating, which I think is kind of charming, in a weird way. But I’m strange.
I digress, we were just hanging out. I wasn’t playing wingwoman or anything like that. An hour or so into the evening I made mention of the fact that a (cute) woman sitting not too far from us at the bar was looking to hook up and that if he was interested, she’d totally go home with him. YES, I said that. C’mon, there’s nothing wrong with a couple of grown-ups hooking up.
He was a) not interested – which is SO another story. b) confused as to why I woud say that this woman was looking to hook up.
And so I had to explain to him that there were certain signs that I could read, and that he should probably learn to read. If he wanted to. I think it’s fine if some people are just too shy to talk to strangers in that context. I also think it’s kind of slily that they don’t work to get over that but whatever. I’m a big fan of online dating and one of the great things about online dating is that it’s perfect for people who are shy like that (and, indeed, my friend met his last couple of gfs online).
Speaking of those signs, I figured I’d do you guys a favor and spell some of them out for you. Let me be clear here, these are not universal. Just because a woman does one or some of these things does not mean that she definitely wants to hook up with someone. Or more importantly, just because a woman does one or more of these things, doesn’t mean she wants to hook up withYOU. So please proceed with caution and manners.
7 Signs that Say a Woman IS Looking to Hook Up
- She is out in a group of 3 or 4 women and at least one of them is showing lots of cleavage and/or plenty of leg (women don’t dress that way for each other).
- She fusses with her hair in the bar mirror.
- She frequently reapplies lipgloss or lipstick.
- She’s playing with an empty or nearly empty glass. Maybe she’s playing with her straw. Or maybe circling the rim of her wineglass with her finger. Whatever it is, she’s waiting, hoping that someone will buy her next drink.
- She makes frequents trips to the bathroom, alone (which requires her to walk past a group of men).
- One of her friends purse bumps you (a woman will frequently bump her purse into a man, not-so-subtly, or elbow him as she walks slowly by to start a conversation). In my experience, the purse bumper is not usually the woman who is interested in hooking up. Rather, she’s breaking the ice for a friend of hers.
- She is coming up to the bar, alone, to order drinks (each time angling her way in next to a guy, maybe you), thereby ignoring table service.
Tags: contests, geek love, Matchmaking
If you’re a geek–and if you’re reading this, you probably are–that’s in a need of a help in the love department, dating coach E. Foley (aka Geek’s Dream Girl) is giving away a $249 to one of its GeekMonthly Matchmaking Mailer (GeekMMM) members to help them start off the New Year in style.
GeekMMM member already benefit from Dream Girl’s monthly newsletter and matchmaking service, setting up geeks with other like-minded members in her database that she thinks might get along. But one lucky GeekMMM bachelor who appreciates elegant code or bachelorette who marvels over well-documented classes will win one of Dream Girl’s Gold d20 Package worth $249.
The Gold d20 Package is a 30 day service package, which includes:
- The Works Profile Creation
- Photo Critique
- Weekly coaching sessions via IMs/email
- “Freshen Up” profile edits
- We find matches for you every week!
- We’ll help you write emails to your matches – 40 first contact emails and unlimited replies to emails you receive during your 30 days.
- Free membership in GeekMMM!
The winner will be selected with the help of random.org. Current member are already entered in this competition, but newbies can get in on the action by joining GeekMMM by 12 a.m. January 1, 2010 EST.
Tags: dating conversation topics, small talk, surviving the holidays
Now what? Filling the conversation void is a delicate dance, one where I’m often stepping on other people’s toes. But a healthy dose of press junket cocktail parties in my past career has taught me make reasonably interesting small talk with almost anyone, without resorting to telling embarrassing stories about the host to break the ice (sorry guys!).
Talk about sports, as long as it’s not about Tiger. Sports is one of those universal bonding activities that rarely offend. You would be surprised how much mileage you can get out of this topic and how many people you can incorporate when you reminisce about the two football games you attended in college. It’s almost foolproof, except when it’s about to Tiger Woods, which is hard, because every third news article is about Tiger Woods or one of side dishes. But bringing up Tiger is the same as talking about dead relatives, jilted ex-lovers, and prostitution (fun, but maybe not at a cocktail party?) — it’s not polite conversation because you never know what dirt the conversation might dig up or who you’re going to offend. Just stick to the Heisman award ceremony and whatever you saw on SportsCenter at the bar.
Talk about pets, but know when to shut up (Hint: it’s right before you’re about to show them pictures of your adorable puppy or cutesy kitten on your iPhone). Talking about pets is a lovely, non-threatening, and very socially acceptable conversation topic, and we welcome your funny pet tales and will commiserate about having to walk dogs in the rain. Really, we do! But the second you pull out your mobile phone or digital camera, you’ve gone too far. You’ve put your conversation mate the awkward position of having to feign interest in your child-substitute and pretend to gush over your it as much as you do. It’s sabotage. However, if someone pulls this move on you, it is then your right to return fire with your own pocket stash of puppy videos and kitty stills.
Talk about reality TV, but maybe not about the Jersey Shore. Gushing about reality TV has saved me from many a boring night with strangers that I know nothing about and have little income with because love it or hate it, everyone has an opinion on reality TV. But while most adults have heard about The Real World, The Hills, and My Super Sweet 16, no adult really watches MTV these days. Bringing up Jersey Shore is not in your best interested because 1) no one will know what you’re talking about, 2) you’ve just outed yourself as demographically immature and falling in to the 16-21 market, and 3) risks bringing up racial stereotypes of Italian-American immigrants, which is always followed by, “my family is Italian.” Awkward!
Busy women may need just as much help finding love online as men, but are they willing to pay $480 a month to do it?
Scott Valdez, owner of Virtual Dating Assistants, thinks so. VDA launched in June and has been helping men create profiles, contact prospective matches, and set up dates. But frequent requests by women encouraged him to expended his company’s services to women who were just as time strapped and online dating clueless as their male counterpart.
“We filter through the masses for that one little gem,” says Valdez.
And anyone who’s looked for love online knows what a tough job that can be, so that hefty monthly fee guarantees clients 40 hours per month of dating assistance and at least two dates per month for his female clients. However, based on the experiences of his beta clients, Valdez says women will probably have about six dates per month.
VDA’s service includes more than just writing a nice profile.
The company is like the online dating version of SEO. Dating assistants update client profiles daily to keep them fresh and at the top of search lists — a tactic that significantly drives up response rates, according to Valdez. He’s found a lot of direct correlation between online dating and direct marketing, and uses similar strategies to help women target and attract men.
But for women, the best feature of this service may be the ability to have a guy screening emails for them. Profiles are generally written by the same gender writer as the client — Valdez says writers have writing in the voice of the opposite sex and he can almost always tell when a profile was written by a man or a woman–but VDA is working on a double screening process that enables emails sent to women to be screened by a man.
That second set of eyes will be able to read between the lines and identify the red flags warning of relationship incompatibility that a woman may misinterpret.
Women may or may not see the value of developing a marketing and branding strategy for their profiles. But the ability to have your own personal “He’s Just Not That Into You” filter for your online dating emails is priceless.