OMG… Did She Just Say That?!?!

March 31, 2010 at 8:46 am | Posted in Dating Tips | Leave a comment
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During my years as a New York subway rider I learned the art of eavesdropping. I found that to pass commuter time I could glean amazing insights from swiftly listening in on other people’s conversations. The things I picked up ranged from hilarious to absurd to enlightening to downright disgusting and everything in between. Since having moved to LA my easy eavesdropping opportunities have diminished drastically but lately my ears have perked up to some sentiments too juicy not to share… and guess what, it isn’t the guys who are dishing ittongue biters – it’s the ladies. So, here from my ears to your screen, a few things I’ve heard lately definitely not worth repeating:

WHAT SHE SAID: “I’m on the rag – you have no shot.” – a woman to a guy who was checking her out (at Target)

WHAT HE THOUGHT: She’s a crass, pretentious bitch who probably really needs to get laid

WHAT SHE SAID: “We can spend the evening fighting over me or you can each buy me a glass of wine.” – a woman talking to two older men (at a wine bar)

WHAT THEY THOUGHT: She’s a gold digger or potential threesome

Continue Reading OMG… Did She Just Say That?!?!…

“Here” Again… Thank God!

March 29, 2010 at 1:32 pm | Posted in Dating Tips, Relationships | Leave a comment
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“I can’t believe I’m back here again,” sighed my broken-hearted friend, channeling Aiden (from SATC), to which I asked, “Where?” She replied, “Right here. All by myself. Alone……….. Single.” Without taking offense to what I’d like to think of as a prominent role in my dear friend’s life, I understood where she was coming from. She is fresh out of a breakup – a breakup with a guy that she thought could be her forever guy. It’s true, uncoupling is never easy. It’s never fun. But it’s not supposed to be. It is supposed to release you from what isn’t perfectly right for you to give you the freedom to continue on your explorative path to get you to what is. Taking a deep breath and knowing this, sometimes can be just what you need to begin healing and reconstructing… that along with re-thinking the meaning of the place called, “here.”

“Here.” Yes, a place that can feel lonely, rejecting, embarrassing, deflating, full of questions, confusing, a place that feels like it can only be comforted by tequila, ice cream, Pringles, boy bitch-fests and the emptying of tissue boxes. But it is also a place of opportunity to grow. To grow strong and wise. A place to clear your head and understand your heart. A place to evaluate where you’ve been (FYI: all your other “here’s” you’ve experienced are not created equal), where you are and where you want to go. A place to be thankful for your relationship – be it short or long term, every relationship can be considered purposeful if when you arrive at its end, you take the time to look in the rear view mirror critically and unravel it, celebrating the good times and learning from the rocky ones… this makes the time spent in it, instead of seemingly regretful, worth it. And finally “here” is a place to push the restart button. A place to start with a blank canvas again, only this time with more knowledge of the color palette that brings out the best love and life in you.

Continue Reading “Here” Again… Thank God!…

Opt In… To Inspiration

March 24, 2010 at 11:43 am | Posted in Dating Tips | Leave a comment
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Tristan Coopersmith is the author of MENu Dating: Taste Test Your Way to the Main Course– a single girl’s guide to falling in like, falling in love and falling into bed. Check out her book in retailers nationwide, online and on her site: http://www.menudatingonline.com. For musings on dating, follow her on twitter: @tristan_coop.

I’m a sweets-a-holic. If you know me, you know that I can’t pass up a dessert menu, my therapy comes in the form of baking and in my house anytime is a good time for celebratory birthday cake and ice cream. That said, as of yesterday, I’m on a sugar hiatus – a challenge brought on by none other than my mother (ironically, another glutton for glucose).

Since I made this commitment, I have seen no less than 3 Duncan Hines commercials, noticed not one, not two, but THREE new treat shops in my neighborhood and seriously, are the Girl Scouts on a mission to make the world fat because they seem to be on as many corners as a Starbucks in Seattle. WTF?!

Continue Reading Opt In… To Inspiration…

Singles (Not Just Students) Ought to Spring into Spring Break

March 22, 2010 at 12:20 pm | Posted in Dating Tips, Uncategorized | 1 Comment
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Tristan Coopersmith is the author of MENu Dating: Taste Test Your Way to the Main Course– a single girl’s guide to falling in like, falling in love and falling into bed. Check out her book in retailers nationwide, online and on her site: http://www.menudatingonline.com. For musings on dating, follow her on twitter: @tristan_coop.

When the clocks spring forward, NCAA bracket bets put a dent in your latte budget and girls capitalize on the slightest drop in temperature by flaunting their latest sundress score, you can just feel Spring Break in the air. Whether you are in college or have been out as long as Dewey Decimal, if you are single, you should be going on and celebrating Spring Break.

A week in Cancun complete with body shots, flashing for reality TV show cameras and unlimited casual encounters with guys whose names are not required, you say? Not exactly. What I’m prescribing is Spring Break liberation – a dusting off of winter’s past – whether you’ve been through a recent breakup, swore this was your season for good lovin but all you got was chapped lips, had a series of miserable dates, a lackluster boyfriend who kept you cozy but not inspired, put off dating to concentrate on your career meanwhile finding yourself less than fulfilled by a battery operated replacement or a bum booty call – whatever you need to shed, and however you choose to shed it – be it indulging in a raucous, leave-the-camera-at-home, Spring Break adventure, all stereotypes included, or opt for a week away with the girls to a more mature destination (i.e. shoes and shirt required at dinner, drinks that come in glasses not plastic cups, etc), a Spring Break getaway can be just what a single girl needs to say buh-bye to the winter blues and spring into summer with confidence and optimism. So gather your BFFs, treat yourself to a cute new swimsuit and book some last minute tickets to somewhere that serves girly drinks out of coconuts… the rest as detailed below, will follow:

Continue Reading Singles (Not Just Students) Ought to Spring into Spring Break…

Making a Move on Love

March 18, 2010 at 7:51 pm | Posted in Dating Tips, Uncategorized | Leave a comment
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Tristan Coopersmith is the author of MENu Dating: Taste Test Your Way to the Main Course– a single girl’s guide to falling in like, falling in love and falling into bed. Check out her book in retailers nationwide, online and on her site: http://www.menudatingonline.com. For musings on dating, follow her on twitter: @tristan_coop.

Being in L-O-V-E. There is nothing like it. That sugary sweet feeling that flutters all throughout your body, running through your heart and bursting into every vein, every muscle, every ounce of you. It is the feeling of grinning on the inside. It is exciting, thrilling, magical. For some it can be scary, unknowing, a wild ride. Love is the most sought after feeling in the world – above power, happiness and success. For many, they expect and or wish upon a star that something so treasured, so valuable will just land in their lap. But, like all great things, love gains value through being hard won. So instead of just waiting to stumble upon great love, remember that love can be sought, which not only increases your chances of getting it, but the experiences you have and the learnings you will acquire along your journey towards it, will make you more prepared for it’s great responsibility once you finally do meet love head on.

Still not sold? OK… unless you think you might fall for your pizza delivery guy, here are three more reasons you shouldn’t wait for love to come a knockin’ and instead, go out and man shop (i.e. flirt, hit on a guy, pick up a man) this weekend:

Continue Reading Making a Move on Love…

Stuck on Single for the Wrong Reason

March 17, 2010 at 7:29 pm | Posted in Dating Tips, Relationships | Leave a comment
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Tristan Coopersmith is the author of MENu Dating: Taste Test Your Way to the Main Course– a single girl’s guide to falling in like, falling in love and falling into bed. Check out her book in retailers nationwide, online and on her site: http://www.menudatingonline.com. For musings on dating, follow her on twitter: @tristan_coop.

Over the past week I’ve had conversations with three fabulous women, all deliberately stuck on single because of their reportedly thiefing exes. Fab gal #1 claims her ex-love stole her independence and until she gets it back, which she plans to do by joining a women’s networking group, connecting with her friends and re-focusing on the career, she refuses to date. Fab gal #2 claims her ex-love nabbed her security and until she loses 10 pounds, grows out her hair and can afford a whole new wardrobe, she won’t even think about dating again. And finally, fab gal #3 claims her ex-love deprived her of her interest in culture and learning and is determined to re-immerse herself through regularly attending plays, festivals and classes – once she feels fascinating enough again to be date worthy, she will jump back in the game.

Continue Reading Stuck on Single for the Wrong Reason…

Spring Cleaning Your Man

March 16, 2010 at 1:06 pm | Posted in Dating Tips | 1 Comment
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Tristan Coopersmith is the author of MENu Dating: Taste Test Your Way to the Main Course– a single girl’s guide to falling in like, falling in love and falling into bed. Check out her book in retailers nationwide, online and on her site: http://www.menudatingonline.com. For musings on dating, follow her on twitter: @tristan_coop.

Spring has officially sprung. Now that the clocks have moved forward the days will get longer, winter’s cozier layers will reveal hot summer bods and all across the globe women will not only clean out their closets, boyfriends will also be discarded like last season’s trends.

That’s right, we’ve entered breakup season. All winter long lovebirds have been hibernating with their significant others, spending long, cold nights together – playing Jenga, watching movie marathons, enjoying winter getaways and bottomless cups of cocoa. What may have seemed so perfect in December when you were trading overflowing stockings, may have become tiresome (“Oh you again?”) or nerve rattling (“How could have ever found your snoring adorable?!”) And now that the sun has started to shine, you may now see possibilities abounding indicating to you it is time to trade in the old to make room for something new… and better.

Continue Reading Spring Cleaning Your Man…

Dating Homeruns

March 10, 2010 at 11:47 am | Posted in Dating Tips, Relationships, Uncategorized | 2 Comments
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Tristan Coopersmith is the author of MENu Dating: Taste Test Your Way to the Main Course– a single girl’s guide to falling in like, falling in love and falling into bed. Check out her book in retailers nationwide, online and on her site: http://www.menudatingonline.com. For musings on dating, follow her on twitter: @tristan_coop.

Lately I’ve been obsessing over relationship status changes on Facebook. The complexity that this public display brings about has been written about many times over – that’s not what has me intrigued. What has me intrigued is the way that friends respond to relationship status updates. My research (it should be noted that it is informal and therefore statistically insignificant) shows that generally speaking guys get virtually hi-5’d and given invites to strip clubs when their status moves from “in a relationship” to “single” whereas girls get a virtual pity party and offers of consolation (i.e. “I’m so sorry sweetie. He was no good for you anyway”) when their status does the same. On the flipside, when girls move in the opposite direction from “single” to “in a relationship”, they get congratulated, however guys typically receive no comment or something sarcastic (i.e. “Another one bites the dust).

So this all has me thinking, why is being “in a relationship” this giant homerun for women? What makes it a symbol of achievement worthy of congratulations? A box that when unchecked makes us need a pity party? And what if we started making other boxes the success metric? Might we feel uplifted more of the time?

I remember when I played softball as a kid. I wasn’t the knock-it-out-of-the-park hitter, so since there was little to no chance that I was going to get a homerun despite my thinking that was the only way I could be great, my dad set up smaller goals for me. Goals like just getting a hit, avoiding a strike out, learning to judge a walk vs. a hit ball, catching the ball when I was in the outfield, throwing it in to the right plate and so on. Instead of fixating on racking up homeruns, I began concentrating on developing other skills. And after a few seasons, I actually became a pretty good all around player.

Accordingly, try thinking of your dating skills as opportunities for victories; consider those moments homeruns, not just an end of the road relationship. Celebrate them! Celebrate when you flirt like a pro! Celebrate when you have the courage to call a new mandidate! Celebrate when you let go of a guy who you know isn’t worth your time! Celebrate a great 1st date, 2nd date! Celebrate handling rejection with a laugh, a new outfit, a great orgasm! By celebrating your micro achievements you’ll increase your playing stamina, try harder and ultimately improve your game.

Live and love largely,

Tristan

City Bus Lessons in Love

March 8, 2010 at 1:25 pm | Posted in Dating Tips, Relationships | Leave a comment
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Tristan Coopersmith is the author of MENu Dating: Taste Test Your Way to the Main Course– a single girl’s guide to falling in like, falling in love and falling into bed. Check out her book in retailers nationwide, online and on her site: http://www.menudatingonline.com. For musings on dating, follow her on twitter: @tristan_coop.

Late last week, for the first time since living in LA, instead of dealing with the aggravation of 405 traffic, I opted for the city bus. Despite some bumpy planning which included being disconnected twice from the routing operator, my journey was not only smooth, it was spiked with adventure, delight and surprise. It included a short walk through my neighborhood upon which I was greeted with several kind hellos from neighbors I never knew I had. At the first of two bus stops I encountered brief waits at, I met a guy named Jeremy. TDH (tall, dark and handsome) Jeremy takes the bus every weekday morning to his law firm where he is a junior counselor specializing in children’s defense. On the weekends Jeremy buses it to the beach to indulge in his fave pastimes – beach volleyball and paddleboarding. He does have a car – a restored ’67 mustang. After getting the down-low on Jer, I hop my bus (he hops another) and take a window seat. The bus travels an unexpected way – a way I’ve never been, in all this time. I discover a charming little tea shop, a rock church, a direct bike path to the beach and not one, but two thrift stores.

Soon enough we are at my transfer point. While waiting for the next bus, I meet Stefanie who picks up on my lost vibes and helps confirm I am in the right place. Our casual banter quickly turns into her spilling her heart out about her last/lost love (I have that effect) and we chat about it all the way until I deboard, eight stops later, with Stefanie’s heart a little more healed and lifted when we met, about ten miles prior. I get off the bus, just feet away from my destination, only about fifteen minutes later than I would have, had I driven, wondering to myself if Stefanie and Jeremy would make a cute couple.

My trip reminded me that in dating, the less you try to control the journey, the better off you are. Although my bus took a less direct path than I would have if I had chosen to drive to myself, I saw streets and shops, parks and cafes that I never had before. Since I didn’t have to focus my attention on the road, the radio or really anything at all, not to mention the bus traveled at a pace slower than I drive, I saw LA up-close and personal and noticed details that had passed me by for four years. Waiting at the stops made me less isolative than in my car life and the result was meeting two interesting people, one of which I was able to help.

Here’s the thing, no two love stories are ever alike and since it is impossible to map yours out anyway, you might as well relinquish the control a little bit and become open to deviation. So this week, get out there and explore. Expose yourself to new places and new people. Start small by simply altering just one thing about your routine and the rest will follow. Re-route, detour, take a pause where you might not have otherwise, go a little slower… use your peripheral vision… be open to new possibilities…even if you get lost, that’s another place you’ll find, and who knows who might be waiting at that stop.

Live and love largely,
Tristan

Turning Your Love Luck Around

March 4, 2010 at 7:52 pm | Posted in Dating Tips, Relationships | Leave a comment
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Tristan Coopersmith is the author of MENu Dating: Taste Test Your Way to the Main Course– a single girl’s guide to falling in like, falling in love and falling into bed. Check out her book in retailers nationwide, online and on her site: http://www.menudatingonline.com. For musings on dating, follow her on twitter: @tristan_coop.

When it comes to love, outside of arranged marriages, I don’t believe in luck. To believe in luck you have to believe in the converse. I refuse to believe that Cupid either randomly, karmically, maliciously or otherwise, chooses chosen ones, like a powertripping bouncer at a NY club, to be blessed with the powers of love, leaving the unchosen to sulk in misery as they unknowingly travel a winding path on a quest to eternal loneliness. Nope, I won’t accept that. So while there may not be such a thing as being unlucky in love (removing one more option from your list of explanations offered up to the nagging coupled up population in rebuttal as to why you are still single), there is such a thing as being unopen to love, stupid about love or unavailable in love:

Unopen to love. Arms crossed, bitchy stare, head buried in a blackberry, women unopened to love hang an invisible, albeit impossible not to feel, closed for business sign up. They quarantine themselves from love by appearing unapproachable or by creating an isolative lifestyle. To open up to love… FREE YOUR FEARS.

Stupid about love. Women who are stupid when it comes to matters of the heart make the same mistakes over and over and wonder why. They are the ones who give the Dr. Philian advice but never take it and wonder why. These are the women who pay therapists oodles of cash to gain insight about their love lives, have the “aha” moments and then don’t apply them, only to go back to their therapist and wonder… you guessed it, why. To get smart about love… FREE YOUR SELF-LOVE.

Unavailable in love. Women unavailable in love have a steel lock around their heart and a key to it will not be given away easily. Although they may present themselves as looking for a good man, date regularly even, they self-sabotage their love lives by repeatedly picking the same wrong type, staying in obviously abusive situations or are present in the physical sense only, refusing to truly open up. To become available in love… FREE YOUR HEART.

Instead of blaming the absence of love in your life on a bad dice roll or a crappy fortune cookie, identify what is really preventing you from getting it, so you can get through and beyond it.

FREE YOUR FEARS, FREE YOUR SELF-LOVE, FREE YOUR HEART. LET LOVE IN.

Live and love largely,
Tristan

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