Love on the Racks

February 3, 2010 at 2:12 pm | Posted in Dating Tips, Relationships | Leave a comment
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Tristan Coopersmith is the author of MENu Dating: Taste Test Your Way to the Main Course– a single girl’s guide to falling in like, falling in love and falling into bed. Check out her book in retailers nationwide, online and on her site: For musings on dating, follow her on twitter: @tristan_coop.

I simply relish a day of thrifting. You head out with eyes wide open, not knowing what you will find out there in the abyss of stores, flea markets or garage sales. With optimism in your heart you rummage with care through scads of items each with a unique story, looking for something that suits you just perfectly – that you simply cannot live without. You encounter all sorts of things – things that make you laugh (aquamarine taffeta prom dress straight from a John Hughes movie), things that confuse you (red leather chaps), things that remind you of a fond time in your life (old rollerskates) and so on. And when you find that something so rare and so wonderful, something you didn’t even know you were looking for, you experience total delight. And sometimes you don’t even know its true value until later when you discover how essential it becomes to your life.

What makes thrifting so much fun is what is supposed to make dating so much fun – the thrill of the hunt and the possibility of finding something truly great without the need to (unlike mall shopping where you hurriedly and desperately buy something generic because you have to check it off your list). Mining through a bunch of unworthy guys to get to the gems, helps you identify what you are looking for, plus it makes you appreciate them all the much more when you do uncover them. So instead of approaching dating with a desperate “Where is “he”?” attitude, consider everything out there, try on a curious sample and think of dating as a thrifting adventure that takes patience and a positive attitude to uncover something truly special and worthwhile… because you never know on which rack you might find love.



Is she flirting with you? Probably not, according to research

December 15, 2009 at 11:53 am | Posted in Dating Statistics, Dating Tips, News | Leave a comment
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The scene: Crunch Fitness, San Francisco. Panting Guy finishes his workout on a prime window treadmill –the one where the headphone jacks still work– sweat pouring way more profusely from his face than a 20 minute workout should produce. Anxious Cardio Girl approaches, “No, I got it,” she says smiling, and wipes away all traces of his biological material from the machine before he makes his half-assed attempt at cleaning.

He thinks, she totally wants me, and continues to track her every move at the gym

She thinks, Why is this guy staring at me? Make him stop!

But it’s no one’s fault — people often misinterpret friendliness for flirting, although comparatively speaking, the male brain does it more often.

Researchers tested 280 Indiana University male and female undergraduate students’ ability to pick up on social signals. They asked the students to categorizes pictures of women as friendly, sexually interested, sad or rejecting. Although you’d think men would be experts on female body language, on average men mistakenly identified 12 percent of the ‘friendly’ women as ‘sexually interested,’ while women misinterpreted only 8.7 percent of the photos.

But men fared even worse when they were shown pictures of women flirting, and incorrectly identified 37.8 percent of them as being friendly. Women fared only slightly better by mistaking only 31.9 percent of the flirting guys as friendly.

The reason? Call it body language illiteracy.

Previously, scientists often reasoned that young men tend to “over-sexualize their social environment,” but this study’s findings suggest that women are better at interpreting facial expressions and body language than their male counterparts.

For women, this could explain a lot of failed attempts, according to an article in the Daily Mail:

The researchers also found that women overestimate men’s ability to pick up on sexual signals. They argue that many females wrongly believe that the men are well aware of their attempts to woo, but are just not interested in responding.

“Failure to pursue could be an indicator of misperception but could easily be explained by noninterest the scientists write in the journal Psychological Science.

However, when intentions are on the other side of the spectrum and men think a woman’s friendliness is a come on, they’re likely to laugh about it with their friends:

In contrast, women are very aware that males get the wrong end of the stick when they are simply being friendly.

This is because, the researchers argue, men who misconstrue a friendly gesture as a come-on are more likely to follow through with inappropriate behaviour.

Such embarrassing encounters will lodge more keenly in a woman’s memory, and she will also be more likely to discuss it with her friends.

Ouch. So you’re damned if you do, but you could be missing out on something fun if you don’t.

Source: Indiana University via Daily Mail

Just when you thought the internet was a safe place to look for dates…

December 10, 2009 at 12:09 pm | Posted in Dating Tips, News | Leave a comment
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The internet is an increasingly common resource to use when looking for love and advice, but unfortunately there are no guarantees on the quality of either that you might find.

FAILBlog posted a few dating #fails found online, proving once again that the internet is a scary, scary place.

The mating call of the out-of-touch dirty old man:

Really? You have no other dating criteria?

I wonder why she left…

Source: FAILBlog

40 other things you shouldn’t say to your single friend

November 18, 2009 at 12:00 pm | Posted in Dating Tips, Social Media | 1 Comment
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We posted the top five dating suggestions that make single people’s skin crawl then opened a thread on Yelp to find other annoying advice we missed. Here’s 40 other things you shouldn’t say to your single friend:

6. Tick Tock

7. so when are you getting married?

8. It’s okay if you’re gay, there is nothing wrong with that.

9. If you wait too long, all the good ones will be taken.

10. If you don’t have a BF by 25, you are too late.

11. Well… I don’t think you’re pathetic…You’ll always have me

12. If you sleep with every hipster guy in the Mission, people are going to start calling you a slut.

13. Don’t worry, I’m sure the right person is out there, just waiting for you to come along.

14. Working out is a great way to relieve sexual frustration, and maybe you’ll meet someone at the gym!

15. You need to wear a push-up bra/something more girly/tight/pink.

16. This guy was hitting on me on the bus this morning. I told him to call me and gave him your number. Is that okay?

17. When are you going to have a baby? You are getting old you know

18. Are you lonely?

19. You shouldn’t try to meet someone at the bar/gym/work.

20. You should hurry up and find someone before your hymen grows back. (funny, but also not)

21. This guy gave me his number but I don’t like him.  You want his number?

Continue Reading 40 other things you shouldn’t say to your single friend…

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