If Relationships Were An Olympic Sport

February 18, 2010 at 11:44 am | Posted in Dating Tips, Relationships | Leave a comment
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Tristan Coopersmith is the author of MENu Dating: Taste Test Your Way to the Main Course– a single girl’s guide to falling in like, falling in love and falling into bed. Check out her book in retailers nationwide, online and on her site: http://www.menudatingonline.com. For musings on dating, follow her on twitter: @tristan_coop.

I’m pretty much obsessed with the Olympics. I love everything about it – the stories of perseverance, the hope of becoming a national champion and some kids hero, the grace of some events and the intensity of others, the camaraderie, the rivalries. I even love the fashion. The other night though as I was listening to a segment about the history of the games and how events had evolved and new games had replaced old ones, I thought it might be time for another round of modernization. My mind started spinning with potential additions: snow biking, rollerdancing, @melissablake added shopping (pure genius!) and it dawned on me that if we treated relationships like an Olympic sport, we’d all be a lot better at it.

Think about it. We wouldn’t settle for anything less than a GOLD medal in our relationship. If we lost we would use the loss as inspiration to go out and play harder, not an excuse to take a break. We’d be encouraged by our fans (i.e our friends and family). We’d all have dating coaches. And we would work tirelessly to get the gold… never giving up, never accepting “good enough”.

Just consider the hypothetical winning model:

Flirting would be the warm up. You’d do it every day. You’d f with your local barista, your office mail clerk, the bartender, etc. You’d make flirting a healthy habit so that when its game on, you’d land every wink, every smile, every laugh, every soft touch on the arm, every charming story and so on effortlessly like a triple axle that has been practiced a million times.

Dating would be the day-to-day training. Dating is where you fine-tune your skills. Where you learn about all of your physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual wants and needs as an individual and as a member of a couple. Dating is where you get to screw it all up. It’s where you get to go BIG! It’s where you get to try anything you can dream of from dating an older guy to a younger guy to having a kinky threesome and everything in between… just like Olympic athletes try every jump, twirl and play to figure out what moves, speeds, routines and such work best for them. Dating is the trial run.

An exclusive relationship would be the qualifying event. Athletes go into lockdown before qualifiers and really concentrate on being their best. The qualifier takes extreme dedication, just like a relationship. This is where all that training is put to the test. Would you have what it takes? Would the chosen one qualify for the real game, (i. e. marriage)? On your list of must have characteristics, how would he score, even when the pressure is on? You could rank him from 1-10 with you as the Olympic judge – would he qualify to move on?

Winning the GOLD would be your ‘YES’ to marriage. Scoring the gold medal, like an ideal life co-pilot is beyond special. A bright, shiny gold medal is something to be proud of, something to admire, something worth working to get and something to be cherished forever. It is also attainable by anyone willing to try.

Thanks to Lori Gottlieb’s book, Marry Him, there has been a lot of chatter about if you should settle for Mr. Good Enough. (If you have read my book, MENu Dating, you know where I stand on being picky – Need a refresher? Read pages 168-169). Well if you are the type of girl who is happy with a bronze medal, by all means, settle. But when you wake up next to that bronze medal every morning, chances are that you’ll wonder what might have happened, what love might have come your way, if you warmed up a little more, trained a little harder… and believed enough in yourself to go for the GOLD.

Live and love largely… and please don’t settle for bronze,

Tristan

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This Valentine’s Day, Get A Heart On: 7 Reasons You Should Believe In Love Even If You’re Not In It

February 12, 2010 at 11:24 am | Posted in Dating Tips, Uncategorized | Leave a comment
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Tristan Coopersmith is the author of MENu Dating: Taste Test Your Way to the Main Course– a single girl’s guide to falling in like, falling in love and falling into bed. Check out her book in retailers nationwide, online and on her site: http://www.menudatingonline.com For musings on dating, follow her on twitter: @tristan_coop.

This time of year a barrage of pre-packaged, hallmark love wrapped in pink and red cuteness bombards us from every which way, forcing us to stare love in the face. From stuffed bears and singing cards to heart-shaped diamond pendants and 5-course dinner specials ending with a kissing swan soufflé, it can all make you want to bitch slap Cupid in the face if you aren’t coupled up at the moment. But just because you are not IN love right now, doesn’t mean you can’t believe in it. Here, 7 reasons to see beyond the waxy artificial chocolate and vomit inducing PDA, and believe in real deal love this Valentine’s Day.

1. You already have love in your life! Reprogram the way you think about V-Day. Remember it is a celebration of L-O-V-E. Not just couple love but all kinds of love. Concentrate on how lucky in love you already are and take a moment to appreciate the people you love and that love you right now.

2. Believing in love makes u more lovable. No man wants to be with a woman who doesn’t have her heart open to the idea of falling in love. If you turn your back on love, love will turn its back on you. Similarly if you greet love with open arms, it will come to you freely and openly.

3. It is literally good for you to have love in your life. Having love in our lives increases the levels of dopamine in our brains, which causes positive effects in all areas of our lives.

4. The alternative sucks. Are you seriously going to sit in your house on Cupid’s Day with a face mask in your jammies eating a gallon of ice cream moping to yourself about how unlucky you are in love, or worse yet commiserate with the lonely at an Anti-Valentine’s Day party? It takes a lot more energy to be miserable than it does to be optimistic.

5. If you aren’t a believer, you are a big buzzkill to those around you. Bitching about how much you hate V-Day, how commercial it is, how anyone who celebrates it should be shot, emits bad energy into the universe. Be afraid because Cupid IS watching. He’s got a bag full of arrows ready to shoot… and do you really think he is going to waste an arrow on a grinch like you? I think not.

6. If you give up on love, you decrease your chances of finding it. Life is short and hanging up a closed for business sign, even for a day, minimizes your chances of finding someone worth cashing in on.

7. Deep down inside you know you already do believe. Come on, admit, you can think of at least one couple that is head over heels in love… one couple that you admire for their undying devotion… one couple that you think, ‘that is worth holding out for’… proof that you are already at your core, a believer.

So instead of looking at the 14th as doomsday, put on your hottest red thong, go treat yourself to a box of chocolate and get inspired by Valentine’s Day! Absorb the love that is all around and just think, soon you could be one half of a couple dancing to Cupid’s cheesy beat.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Live and love largely,
Tristan

Your Love Forecast: Having a Sunny Dating Outlook

February 10, 2010 at 2:45 pm | Posted in Dating Tips, Relationships | Leave a comment
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Tristan Coopersmith is the author of MENu Dating: Taste Test Your Way to the Main Course– a single girl’s guide to falling in like, falling in love and falling into bed. Check out her book in retailers nationwide, online and on her site: http://www.menudatingonline.com For musings on dating, follow her on twitter: @tristan_coop.

The weather in LA this month has been a wild ride. One-minute torrential rain, the next bright sun shining down on you giving hope that a rainbow will appear and then moments later more rain followed by thunder and a tornado tweet alert. I’ve had a hard time taking my eyes off of it all – enjoying the moment but also curious to see what will come next. And it is that exact unpredictability in dating that makes it so exciting. It is why we get sweaty palms before a date, butterflies when his name pops up on our caller ID and also turn to our trusty BFFs Ben & Jerry when all does not go our way. It is hope that as Annie says, “the sun will come out tomorrow”… or rather, that we will have a great date to leave us glowing and another one to look forward to, that keeps us going.

If you follow any LA based tweeps or Facebookers you would be hard pressed to find any weather optimists as of late. They like their sunshine, 24/7. Not much different than daters like good dates, 100% of the time. But here’s the thing, although there are upsides to being in the warm sun all the time, seasonal diversity is much more thrilling, just like diversified dating experiences and they undeniably lend themselves to greater learning opportunities (or at the very least, hilarious stories with your girlfriends over Bloody Mary’s at brunch).

Instead of trying to predict your love forecast which you can’t anymore than you can the weather, concentrate on controlling your dating weather channel. Is your radar set on sunny? Partly sunny? Partly cloudy? Work towards a sunny forecast in your heart and mind and assume that despite what text you may not have gotten back last night or what a disappointment who’s-his-face was on your blind date, know that yesterday’s dating weather pattern was necessary for today’s and that today’s could bring new love opportunities tomorrow, especially if your forecast is filled with optimism. Sunny attracts sunny and no guy wants a repeat date with a woman, no matter how beautiful she may be, if she is accessorized with a cloud overhead.

Live and love largely,
Tristan

Love on the Racks

February 3, 2010 at 2:12 pm | Posted in Dating Tips, Relationships | Leave a comment
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Tristan Coopersmith is the author of MENu Dating: Taste Test Your Way to the Main Course– a single girl’s guide to falling in like, falling in love and falling into bed. Check out her book in retailers nationwide, online and on her site: http://www.menudatingonline.com For musings on dating, follow her on twitter: @tristan_coop.

I simply relish a day of thrifting. You head out with eyes wide open, not knowing what you will find out there in the abyss of stores, flea markets or garage sales. With optimism in your heart you rummage with care through scads of items each with a unique story, looking for something that suits you just perfectly – that you simply cannot live without. You encounter all sorts of things – things that make you laugh (aquamarine taffeta prom dress straight from a John Hughes movie), things that confuse you (red leather chaps), things that remind you of a fond time in your life (old rollerskates) and so on. And when you find that something so rare and so wonderful, something you didn’t even know you were looking for, you experience total delight. And sometimes you don’t even know its true value until later when you discover how essential it becomes to your life.

What makes thrifting so much fun is what is supposed to make dating so much fun – the thrill of the hunt and the possibility of finding something truly great without the need to (unlike mall shopping where you hurriedly and desperately buy something generic because you have to check it off your list). Mining through a bunch of unworthy guys to get to the gems, helps you identify what you are looking for, plus it makes you appreciate them all the much more when you do uncover them. So instead of approaching dating with a desperate “Where is “he”?” attitude, consider everything out there, try on a curious sample and think of dating as a thrifting adventure that takes patience and a positive attitude to uncover something truly special and worthwhile… because you never know on which rack you might find love.

xx,

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