Spring Cleaning Your Man

March 16, 2010 at 1:06 pm | Posted in Dating Tips | 1 Comment
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,

Tristan Coopersmith is the author of MENu Dating: Taste Test Your Way to the Main Course– a single girl’s guide to falling in like, falling in love and falling into bed. Check out her book in retailers nationwide, online and on her site: http://www.menudatingonline.com. For musings on dating, follow her on twitter: @tristan_coop.

Spring has officially sprung. Now that the clocks have moved forward the days will get longer, winter’s cozier layers will reveal hot summer bods and all across the globe women will not only clean out their closets, boyfriends will also be discarded like last season’s trends.

That’s right, we’ve entered breakup season. All winter long lovebirds have been hibernating with their significant others, spending long, cold nights together – playing Jenga, watching movie marathons, enjoying winter getaways and bottomless cups of cocoa. What may have seemed so perfect in December when you were trading overflowing stockings, may have become tiresome (“Oh you again?”) or nerve rattling (“How could have ever found your snoring adorable?!”) And now that the sun has started to shine, you may now see possibilities abounding indicating to you it is time to trade in the old to make room for something new… and better.

Continue Reading Spring Cleaning Your Man…

The End of Rinse and Repeat Dating

January 22, 2010 at 1:25 pm | Posted in Dating Tips, Relationships | Leave a comment
Tags: , , , , , , , , ,


Tristan Coopersmith is the author of MENu Dating: Taste Test Your Way to the Main Course– a single girl’s guide to falling in like, falling in love and falling into bed. Check out her book in retailers nationwide, online and on her site: http://www.menudatingonline.com For musings on dating, follow her on twitter: @tristan_coop.

Most of us are creatures of habit. We go to the grocery store and shop the same aisles, filling up our carts with replacement items, because they are our can’t-live-withouts. We drive the same way to work because it is the most efficient. We brunch with the same group of girliefriends on Sundays to dish about life and love because they are our most adored confidantes. When it comes to men, often we date the same “types” over and over even when they aren’tgood for us. Why is that? We wouldn’t keep buying food at the grocery store that wasn’t yummy or drive a traffic-ridden route to work if there was a faster alternative or spend hungover Sundays with ladies we didn’t like, so why torture ourselves with men who are so clearly wrong for us?!

Dr. Phil’s analysis aside (meaning childhood trauma, self-destructive behavior, etc), one reason women gravitate repeatedly towards the same type of man who is clearly not a fit for them, is that what we seek in others or in a relationship is actually what we seek to have in ourselves. For example:

THE ARTIST: Ladies love artists because they are sensual, talented and admirable. But many women are also attracted to artists because they are looking to fulfill their own artist within. If this is you, try taking an art class or just pick up a sketchbook and let your hand wander. See if once you begin to satisfy your own inner art needs, the desire to be with the sexy but oftentimes selfish artist, doesn’t subside.

THE EMOTIONALLY CRIPPLED GUY: Women attracted to wounded men are natural caretakers. They gravitate towards emotionally spent men because they feel needed and nothing says security in a relationship more than being needed… even if the price to pay is her own emotional well-being. If this is you, try volunteering. Reach out to those who really could benefit from your help – the elderly, under-resourced teens, sick children. After spending time healing the truly needy, see if your desire to be with a man who is likely just sucking the good out of you and not injecting you with much in return doesn’t wane.

The list could go on and on… the workaholic, the financially challenged guy, the sugar daddy, the mama’s boy, the juvenile. All male archetypes that women oftentimes find themselves repeatedly dating, and ultimately frustrated by. If this is you, the next time you find yourself in a rinse and repeat cycle with the wrong type of guy, look within to see how the relationship might be compensating for something you need and like the old song goes, “Wash that man right outta your hair (and your life).” Instead of expending your energy trying to get what you need from him, spend it on making yourself a more fabulous version of you – it’s a longer term and much healthier investment.

xx, Tristan

Is your Facebook profile picture datable?

December 21, 2009 at 8:30 am | Posted in Dating Tips, Online Dating, Social Media | 4 Comments
Tags: , ,

If you’re single and on the market, you may want to rethink your Facebook profile picture.

It’s already being checked by employers for risque behavior and compatibility before making hiring decisions, and chances are your profile is being checked by potential dates for those same things.

And like it or not, your profile picture is making a first impression for you.

Shirtless guy on a boat, we’re talking about you.

On a recent search of Thread.com for single guys aged 22-45, I had a hard time finding a Facebook profile that made me want to click. Either there aren’t very many cute guys in my network, or men in general don’t take their Facebook profile picture very seriously. I’m leaning towards the latter based on the plethora of joke photos and picture substitutes out there.

Here are some of the less flattering Facebook profile picture examples that don’t pass the click-test:

Camping photos: You want to come across as casual and laid back, but there is such a thing as too laid back, i.e., you don’t give a shit. If you can’t be bothered to care, why should we?

Pets: You love your pet, and you want everyone else to love your pet, but you are not your pet. It’s fine having a photo of your pet on your Facebook page, but putting it up as your profile picture suggests that you may have attachment issues.

Webcam photos: Really? You can’t find anyone to take a picture for you and you have to resort to using one taken by your computer? It’s kind of sad because it makes people think you don’t have any friends.

Your head is cocked to a 90 degree position: It’s unatural, unflattering, and we have to turn our head to see what you look like. It makes me question your judgement.

You’re miniscule: Are the only good photos of you the ones taken from 100 yards away? If you’re technically in the photo, but we can’t see what you look like, don’t use it as your Facebook profile picture.

You’re single, but with a bunch of girls or guys. If your Facebook photo shows you with your arm around someone but you’re not in a relationship, you come across as a big flirt. Some people like a chase, but the good ones don’t like drama.

You are with a bunch of girls or guys. It’s not that we can’t figure out which one in group photo is you, it’s that we worry we won’t be able to figure out who you are because you’re always with your posse. Don’t over identify with your friends.

You’re making a goofy face. Sense of humor is at the top of the list when it comes to matchmaking, but you want people to take you seriously. When you’re sticking your tongue out, abusing the distort feature on Photo Booth, or giving the camera the finger, we not going to take you seriously because you don’t take yourself seriously.

You’re not wearing enough clothes or are wearing the clothes of the opposite sex. My first impression of you should not be influenced by your boobs, amount of chest hair, or unfortunate costume parties. You may look phenomenal wearing a loosely tied toga, but I’m going to think you’re an attention whore.

You’re trying too hard: Your hair is perfectly styled, you’re sporting some trendy shades, and no one has photographed a bigger pout since the finale of last season’s America’s Next Top Model. You’re going for sexy, but even if you succeed you come across as a high maintenance prima dona.

You’re a cartoon: On top of being unable to tell what you look like, which was probably your point, we’re going to assume you’re as immature as the cartoon character that you feel best portrays you.

You use a picture of your kid. Why is it not ok to show your face, but it’s ok to show the photos of your kid? We’re going to assume you’ve peaked and are no longer attractive or no longer have a separate identify from your parenthood.

You don’t have any pictures of you at all. This includes using pictures of you from your childhood: you think you’re playing it safe, but it’s really a Big Red Flag. What are you afraid of and why are you hiding? Either you’re one of those conspiracy/privacy freaks or you’re afraid your past is going to catch up with you. Either way, it makes a people want to proceed with caution, if at all.

What did I miss?

Which country has the least attractive online daters?

November 12, 2009 at 11:45 am | Posted in Dating Statistics, News, Online Dating | 1 Comment
Tags: , , , , , ,

 

Norwegian, Swedish, and Brazilians fare the best on BeautifulPeople.com, while Brits, such as its managing director Greg Hodge (left) are the least successful. But would Dane founder Robert Hintze (right) be accepted to his own site after his hairline finishes receding?

Norwegian, Swedish, and Brazilians fare the best on BeautifulPeople.com, while Brits, such as its managing director Greg Hodge (left) are the least successful. But would Dane founder Robert Hintze (right) be accepted to his own site after his hairline finishes receding?

 

Rejection by a date is hard enough, but how bad must it feel to be rejected by the entire dating site for being unattractive?
Ask a Brit. Only 12 percent of British men and 15 percent of British women have been accepted by super-shallow dating site BeautifulPeople.com, according to an article in The Telegraph. This statistic officially steals the “Dating Douche” title away from iPhone users and bestows it on BeautifulPeople.com founder, Robert Hintze.
The Danish website has existing members judge new applicant photos over a 48-hour period with answers ranging from ‘Yes definitely’, ‘Hmmm yes, OK’, ‘Hmmm no, not really’ and ‘NO definitely NOT.’

Continue Reading Which country has the least attractive online daters?…

Are iPhone users the new dating douches?

November 11, 2009 at 8:09 am | Posted in News | 1 Comment
Tags: , , ,
iphone

credit: retrevo.com

One in three iPhone owners has texted or emailed their significant other to break up, according to a gadget survey conducted by Retrevo. Twice as many iPhone users than Blackberry users admit to viewing porn on their smartphones, and they are also more likely than their Blackberry counterparts to be turned off by their partner’s use of an out-of-date gadget of some sort, confirming the widespread belief that Apple aficionados are snobs.

Does this study mean that consumers preference for sleek and shiny touch-screen mobile devices are cold, sex hungry, heartbreakers?

Continue Reading Are iPhone users the new dating douches?…

Blog at WordPress.com.
Entries and comments feeds.