Stuck on Single for the Wrong Reason

March 17, 2010 at 7:29 pm | Posted in Dating Tips, Relationships | Leave a comment
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Tristan Coopersmith is the author of MENu Dating: Taste Test Your Way to the Main Course– a single girl’s guide to falling in like, falling in love and falling into bed. Check out her book in retailers nationwide, online and on her site: http://www.menudatingonline.com. For musings on dating, follow her on twitter: @tristan_coop.

Over the past week I’ve had conversations with three fabulous women, all deliberately stuck on single because of their reportedly thiefing exes. Fab gal #1 claims her ex-love stole her independence and until she gets it back, which she plans to do by joining a women’s networking group, connecting with her friends and re-focusing on the career, she refuses to date. Fab gal #2 claims her ex-love nabbed her security and until she loses 10 pounds, grows out her hair and can afford a whole new wardrobe, she won’t even think about dating again. And finally, fab gal #3 claims her ex-love deprived her of her interest in culture and learning and is determined to re-immerse herself through regularly attending plays, festivals and classes – once she feels fascinating enough again to be date worthy, she will jump back in the game.

Continue Reading Stuck on Single for the Wrong Reason…

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I Like Feelings

February 8, 2010 at 11:37 am | Posted in Dating Stories, Dating Tips | Leave a comment
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Simone Grant is writer from NYC.  She blogs daily at Sex, Lies, & Dating in the City.

In honor of Valentines Day I decided to pull up and re-polish an old post about my last big breakup.  What can I say, I have a strange sense of humor.

I didn’t deal well with my last breakup. I haven’t had a real relationship in a long while.  Long before I started my blog. And when that ended, I didn’t deal with it well.

I’m not going to point fingers or complain about what a total jackass the ex was/is.  That’s not the point of this post.  I just want to state, on the record, that I was a total mess for months.  I actually left the country for a couple of months to try to get away from “it all”.  Whatever that means.

I cried a lot.  A lot.  And every time I thought I was completely cool with it and that I’d never shed another tear over him, something would happen and I would start all over again.  Sometimes it would be him contacting me.  Sometimes it would be something I read or heard that made me think of him.  It doesn’t matter why.  The point is, I had those feelings all bottled up and it took a long while for them all to come out and and get resolved.

I’m so over it now.  In a way that makes me feel strong and confident.  Like I’m not afraid to let myself care about someone new.

So why am I mentioning this?  Well, there happen to be some really cool women out there in the blogosphere who are dealing with the aftermaths of breakups right now.  And the general vibe out there seems to be that crying is something a girl shouldn’t do.  That we should be able to get over these feelings quickly.  Or maybe not have them at all?  I don’t know.

I’m not judging anyone else or telling anyone what to do.  Just telling my story.  I was a freaking wreck.  Like you can’t even imagine.  I thought that he was the guy I was going to spend the rest of my life with (or at least a good many years).  And then he wasn’t.   And that change in my thinking made me unbearably sad.   For a long time.  And so I cried.

I’m one of those pro feeling people.  I’d rather live richly, with lots of highs and lows, than live moderately without the peaks and valleys.  I don’t love drama.  But I do love passion and excitement and well, I think you get the point.  I cared about the ex a lot.  I’d invested a lot in the vision I had of our future together.  Those were big feelings.  It just seems natural to me that it was followed by great sadness.

Alright, I’ve babbled enough.  Note to self, stop blogging in the middle of the night.

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