Your Love Forecast: Having a Sunny Dating Outlook

February 10, 2010 at 2:45 pm | Posted in Dating Tips, Relationships | Leave a comment
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Tristan Coopersmith is the author of MENu Dating: Taste Test Your Way to the Main Course– a single girl’s guide to falling in like, falling in love and falling into bed. Check out her book in retailers nationwide, online and on her site: http://www.menudatingonline.com For musings on dating, follow her on twitter: @tristan_coop.

The weather in LA this month has been a wild ride. One-minute torrential rain, the next bright sun shining down on you giving hope that a rainbow will appear and then moments later more rain followed by thunder and a tornado tweet alert. I’ve had a hard time taking my eyes off of it all – enjoying the moment but also curious to see what will come next. And it is that exact unpredictability in dating that makes it so exciting. It is why we get sweaty palms before a date, butterflies when his name pops up on our caller ID and also turn to our trusty BFFs Ben & Jerry when all does not go our way. It is hope that as Annie says, “the sun will come out tomorrow”… or rather, that we will have a great date to leave us glowing and another one to look forward to, that keeps us going.

If you follow any LA based tweeps or Facebookers you would be hard pressed to find any weather optimists as of late. They like their sunshine, 24/7. Not much different than daters like good dates, 100% of the time. But here’s the thing, although there are upsides to being in the warm sun all the time, seasonal diversity is much more thrilling, just like diversified dating experiences and they undeniably lend themselves to greater learning opportunities (or at the very least, hilarious stories with your girlfriends over Bloody Mary’s at brunch).

Instead of trying to predict your love forecast which you can’t anymore than you can the weather, concentrate on controlling your dating weather channel. Is your radar set on sunny? Partly sunny? Partly cloudy? Work towards a sunny forecast in your heart and mind and assume that despite what text you may not have gotten back last night or what a disappointment who’s-his-face was on your blind date, know that yesterday’s dating weather pattern was necessary for today’s and that today’s could bring new love opportunities tomorrow, especially if your forecast is filled with optimism. Sunny attracts sunny and no guy wants a repeat date with a woman, no matter how beautiful she may be, if she is accessorized with a cloud overhead.

Live and love largely,
Tristan

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Is your Facebook profile picture datable?

December 21, 2009 at 8:30 am | Posted in Dating Tips, Online Dating, Social Media | 4 Comments
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If you’re single and on the market, you may want to rethink your Facebook profile picture.

It’s already being checked by employers for risque behavior and compatibility before making hiring decisions, and chances are your profile is being checked by potential dates for those same things.

And like it or not, your profile picture is making a first impression for you.

Shirtless guy on a boat, we’re talking about you.

On a recent search of Thread.com for single guys aged 22-45, I had a hard time finding a Facebook profile that made me want to click. Either there aren’t very many cute guys in my network, or men in general don’t take their Facebook profile picture very seriously. I’m leaning towards the latter based on the plethora of joke photos and picture substitutes out there.

Here are some of the less flattering Facebook profile picture examples that don’t pass the click-test:

Camping photos: You want to come across as casual and laid back, but there is such a thing as too laid back, i.e., you don’t give a shit. If you can’t be bothered to care, why should we?

Pets: You love your pet, and you want everyone else to love your pet, but you are not your pet. It’s fine having a photo of your pet on your Facebook page, but putting it up as your profile picture suggests that you may have attachment issues.

Webcam photos: Really? You can’t find anyone to take a picture for you and you have to resort to using one taken by your computer? It’s kind of sad because it makes people think you don’t have any friends.

Your head is cocked to a 90 degree position: It’s unatural, unflattering, and we have to turn our head to see what you look like. It makes me question your judgement.

You’re miniscule: Are the only good photos of you the ones taken from 100 yards away? If you’re technically in the photo, but we can’t see what you look like, don’t use it as your Facebook profile picture.

You’re single, but with a bunch of girls or guys. If your Facebook photo shows you with your arm around someone but you’re not in a relationship, you come across as a big flirt. Some people like a chase, but the good ones don’t like drama.

You are with a bunch of girls or guys. It’s not that we can’t figure out which one in group photo is you, it’s that we worry we won’t be able to figure out who you are because you’re always with your posse. Don’t over identify with your friends.

You’re making a goofy face. Sense of humor is at the top of the list when it comes to matchmaking, but you want people to take you seriously. When you’re sticking your tongue out, abusing the distort feature on Photo Booth, or giving the camera the finger, we not going to take you seriously because you don’t take yourself seriously.

You’re not wearing enough clothes or are wearing the clothes of the opposite sex. My first impression of you should not be influenced by your boobs, amount of chest hair, or unfortunate costume parties. You may look phenomenal wearing a loosely tied toga, but I’m going to think you’re an attention whore.

You’re trying too hard: Your hair is perfectly styled, you’re sporting some trendy shades, and no one has photographed a bigger pout since the finale of last season’s America’s Next Top Model. You’re going for sexy, but even if you succeed you come across as a high maintenance prima dona.

You’re a cartoon: On top of being unable to tell what you look like, which was probably your point, we’re going to assume you’re as immature as the cartoon character that you feel best portrays you.

You use a picture of your kid. Why is it not ok to show your face, but it’s ok to show the photos of your kid? We’re going to assume you’ve peaked and are no longer attractive or no longer have a separate identify from your parenthood.

You don’t have any pictures of you at all. This includes using pictures of you from your childhood: you think you’re playing it safe, but it’s really a Big Red Flag. What are you afraid of and why are you hiding? Either you’re one of those conspiracy/privacy freaks or you’re afraid your past is going to catch up with you. Either way, it makes a people want to proceed with caution, if at all.

What did I miss?

Can you judge people by their Facebook picture?

November 10, 2009 at 9:41 am | Posted in Dating Tips, News, Social Media | Leave a comment
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Introvert or extrovert? Students in a Sonoma State University were able to accurately judge personality traits most of the time based only on photographs, whether they were staged or not. Credit: Laura Naumann

Consider yourself warned. Facebook is the ubiquitous cross-check for researching the lives and real personalities of prospective employees, friends, and dates. And a recent study confirmed what you already suspected: you are being judged by your photographs, and apparently quite accurately.

We’re not just talking about the ones of you dressed in drag or doing keg stands (although those are also very telling). Photographs contain subtle non-verbal clues that viewers use to identify the subject’s personality traits with surprisingly scary accuracy.

The experiment conducted by researchers at Sonoma State University (who knew they did research there?) used 12 students to judge 123 photos of undergraduate students they had never met before. Half of the viewers judged the undergraduates’ photos in a neutral pose, while the other six judged the same undergraduates in a spontaneous pose. The photographs were judged by the viewers based on 10 personality traits: extraversion, agreeableness, conscientiousness, emotional stability, openness (open to experience), likability, self-esteem, loneliness, religiosity and political orientation.

Continue Reading Can you judge people by their Facebook picture?…

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