OMG… Did She Just Say That?!?!

March 31, 2010 at 8:46 am | Posted in Dating Tips | Leave a comment
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During my years as a New York subway rider I learned the art of eavesdropping. I found that to pass commuter time I could glean amazing insights from swiftly listening in on other people’s conversations. The things I picked up ranged from hilarious to absurd to enlightening to downright disgusting and everything in between. Since having moved to LA my easy eavesdropping opportunities have diminished drastically but lately my ears have perked up to some sentiments too juicy not to share… and guess what, it isn’t the guys who are dishing ittongue biters – it’s the ladies. So, here from my ears to your screen, a few things I’ve heard lately definitely not worth repeating:

WHAT SHE SAID: “I’m on the rag – you have no shot.” – a woman to a guy who was checking her out (at Target)

WHAT HE THOUGHT: She’s a crass, pretentious bitch who probably really needs to get laid

WHAT SHE SAID: “We can spend the evening fighting over me or you can each buy me a glass of wine.” – a woman talking to two older men (at a wine bar)

WHAT THEY THOUGHT: She’s a gold digger or potential threesome

Continue Reading OMG… Did She Just Say That?!?!…

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Spring Cleaning Your Man

March 16, 2010 at 1:06 pm | Posted in Dating Tips | 1 Comment
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Tristan Coopersmith is the author of MENu Dating: Taste Test Your Way to the Main Course– a single girl’s guide to falling in like, falling in love and falling into bed. Check out her book in retailers nationwide, online and on her site: http://www.menudatingonline.com. For musings on dating, follow her on twitter: @tristan_coop.

Spring has officially sprung. Now that the clocks have moved forward the days will get longer, winter’s cozier layers will reveal hot summer bods and all across the globe women will not only clean out their closets, boyfriends will also be discarded like last season’s trends.

That’s right, we’ve entered breakup season. All winter long lovebirds have been hibernating with their significant others, spending long, cold nights together – playing Jenga, watching movie marathons, enjoying winter getaways and bottomless cups of cocoa. What may have seemed so perfect in December when you were trading overflowing stockings, may have become tiresome (“Oh you again?”) or nerve rattling (“How could have ever found your snoring adorable?!”) And now that the sun has started to shine, you may now see possibilities abounding indicating to you it is time to trade in the old to make room for something new… and better.

Continue Reading Spring Cleaning Your Man…

Dating Homeruns

March 10, 2010 at 11:47 am | Posted in Dating Tips, Relationships, Uncategorized | 2 Comments
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Tristan Coopersmith is the author of MENu Dating: Taste Test Your Way to the Main Course– a single girl’s guide to falling in like, falling in love and falling into bed. Check out her book in retailers nationwide, online and on her site: http://www.menudatingonline.com. For musings on dating, follow her on twitter: @tristan_coop.

Lately I’ve been obsessing over relationship status changes on Facebook. The complexity that this public display brings about has been written about many times over – that’s not what has me intrigued. What has me intrigued is the way that friends respond to relationship status updates. My research (it should be noted that it is informal and therefore statistically insignificant) shows that generally speaking guys get virtually hi-5’d and given invites to strip clubs when their status moves from “in a relationship” to “single” whereas girls get a virtual pity party and offers of consolation (i.e. “I’m so sorry sweetie. He was no good for you anyway”) when their status does the same. On the flipside, when girls move in the opposite direction from “single” to “in a relationship”, they get congratulated, however guys typically receive no comment or something sarcastic (i.e. “Another one bites the dust).

So this all has me thinking, why is being “in a relationship” this giant homerun for women? What makes it a symbol of achievement worthy of congratulations? A box that when unchecked makes us need a pity party? And what if we started making other boxes the success metric? Might we feel uplifted more of the time?

I remember when I played softball as a kid. I wasn’t the knock-it-out-of-the-park hitter, so since there was little to no chance that I was going to get a homerun despite my thinking that was the only way I could be great, my dad set up smaller goals for me. Goals like just getting a hit, avoiding a strike out, learning to judge a walk vs. a hit ball, catching the ball when I was in the outfield, throwing it in to the right plate and so on. Instead of fixating on racking up homeruns, I began concentrating on developing other skills. And after a few seasons, I actually became a pretty good all around player.

Accordingly, try thinking of your dating skills as opportunities for victories; consider those moments homeruns, not just an end of the road relationship. Celebrate them! Celebrate when you flirt like a pro! Celebrate when you have the courage to call a new mandidate! Celebrate when you let go of a guy who you know isn’t worth your time! Celebrate a great 1st date, 2nd date! Celebrate handling rejection with a laugh, a new outfit, a great orgasm! By celebrating your micro achievements you’ll increase your playing stamina, try harder and ultimately improve your game.

Live and love largely,

Tristan

Roadtrips: A Relationship’s Ultimate Lab

March 2, 2010 at 10:05 am | Posted in Dating Tips, Relationships | Leave a comment
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Tristan Coopersmith is the author of MENu Dating: Taste Test Your Way to the Main Course– a single girl’s guide to falling in like, falling in love and falling into bed. Check out her book in retailers nationwide, online and on her site: http://www.menudatingonline.com. For musings on dating, follow her on twitter: @tristan_coop.

I remember my first roadtrip with a semi-BF. I was so excited envisioning me and my lover boy – the wind in our hair, the perfect playlist in rotation, the open road all to ourselves in pursuit of a destination to somewhere wonderful. I had every detailed planned out from cool places to stop along the way to a cooler filled with supreme snacks and enough CDs (dating myself here) to last us so we’d never have to listen to any song twice. I even imagined the photos we would take, the laughs we’d laugh, the memories we’d collect. This was going to be the trip he fell in love with amazing me. Or so I thought.

It actually turned out to be the trip I fell into hell. I fell into hell with a guy who it turned out hates Taco Bell (WTF?!), doesn’t say excuse me when he burps, thinks girls aren’t worthy of driving long distances, and who knew, has a fondness for horrifically freestyle rapping when on the open road. It was misery from point A to B but I wouldn’t take the experience back for anything because it served as a relationship lab and in this lab, I discovered that me and he were definitely not meant to be a we.

The idea of a roadtrip is idyllic – hours and hours to enjoy each other’s carefree company, swap stories, play silly games, eat junkfood and get lost in the scenery, but in reality stressful situations can arise and an environment that was designed to be harmonious can quickly become one whereby you get on each other’s nerves, fight about where to eat and sit in silence staring at the highway counting exits instead.

Which is exactly why a roadtrip is a perfect relationship proving ground and a mandatory take-it-to-the-next-level exercise. It can, in many ways be the ultimate compatibility test. If you pass, you have an excellent chance of a thriving relationship, if you fail, you should think twice. Here’s why:

Conversation (or lack thereof): In my mind, my roadtrip with the Taco Bell hater was supposed to be filled with enlightening conversations. I’d tell him about my embarrassing childhood moments, he’d tell me about his first heartbreak, we’d talk about our future. But no, he wasn’t a talker. He liked reflective time in the car. And after 4 hours with 3 more to go, I had nothing left to reflect on other than how much I didn’t want to be with this guy anymore. This test showcases how in sync you are with one another, meaning do you know inherently what kind of atmosphere the other needs at what moment (quiet vs. chatty) and how curious each of you are about the other – this is found time to get to know each other better – do you take advantage of it? Look to see what your conversation pattern is like? Does it feel like an uncomfortable first date where you are just trying to fill the space to avoid awkward silence? Does it flow naturally with interesting dialogue that strengthens your bond, but also has a balance of personal reflective time? Or is one of you on auto-pilot, non stop talking while the other is silently wishing for noise cancelling headphones?

Music: This was the area of no concern for me when it came to compatibility for me and my semi-BF turned ex. Our cars had the same radio stations programmed and we made mixes for each other all the time with similar music. But listening to professionals and listening to him freestyle was two different things – one I could deal with, the other I couldn’t – and the test here was that I didn’t care about him enough to enjoy the fact he was enjoying himself. On your roadtrip, assuming each of you came to the journey iPod in hand, ready to plug in, are your music tastes like-minded? Or at the very least can you lovingly digest each other’s choices? Are you willing to compromise by holding off on anything you know the other loathes? This is bound to come up and the test here will be how you can compromise, share and be tolerant of each other’s choices.

Navigation: North, South, to the mountains, to the beach, city getaway… figuring out where you are going and how you are getting there can be the most exciting part of a roadtrip. It can also be the most stressful… especially if you have different approaches to how it should be done. Are you two map followers and destination driven or non-planning adventure seekers? If you are not on the same page about where you are going, be it a direct route to a certain place or on a scavenger hunt to nowhere in particular, your roadtrip will end up super anxiety ridden for the planner or boring for the thrill seeker. This will unveil a profound personality trait (planner vs. spontaneous) that if different is likely to divide you in many future life choices. I’m happy to say this is the one test that rookie rapper and I actually passed.

Driving duties: You can imagine what an eye opener it was to learn that my man who appeared to be living in modern times was actually Ward Cleaver in disguise, not letting me drive, thinking I would slow us up. Funny thing was, he middle/right laned it the whole way capping 70 as I daydreamed about flying at 120 weaving in and out with a real man. Figuring out driving shifts is often a point of contention on a roadtrip, particularly when one roadtripee isn’t willing to drive, or for as long, or one doesn’t want to give up command. In your case, who is taking the reigns of the wheel? Is this to be a shared responsibility? Do you approve of the way each other drives? What other responsibilities come with driving? This test will indicate how safe you feel with the other in the driver’s seat, literally and figuratively.

Stops: I’m the in-and-out stopper, let’s take it to go, but my chauffeur liked to eat his Big Mac leisurely, claiming he needed to rest up for his next shift, passively complaining about his driving duties (insert eye roll here). Although you are bound to need to stop for gas, bathroom and food breaks, it is what happens when you get there that counts in this test. There tend to be two distinct styles of roadtrip stoppers. The “can’t you just hold it so we can get there faster?” road tripper and the likes to browse in every rest-stop souvenir shop for that perfect piece of memorabilia roadtripper. This test will illustrate differing personality traits (impatient vs. enjoying the moment) that while not a dealbreaker, will need to be understood and appreciated to move on in harmony.

All of these circumstances (along with others such as road temper, car tidiness, handling bodily functions and more), in concert help to determine if your life can be intertwined with your man’s on a really intimate basis. When the ride ranges from smooth to windy to pot-hole ridden, the question is, “how do you co-pilot together?”

So grab your man, pack a bag and buckle up for an open road adventure that will surely be telling of you and your guy’s potential. Score each area with a pass/fail mark. When issues arise in these categories the real test is how you work them out. Do you communicate effectively to resolve the problem existing in a peaceful place, wanting the journey to continue on and on, or are you scrambling to hitchhike home?

Live and love largely,
Tristan

Moxie’s Online Dating D-bag O’ The Week

November 30, 2009 at 12:00 pm | Posted in Dating Stories, Dating Tips, Online Dating, Social Media, Uncategorized | 1 Comment
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If you’ve been waiting for a reason to hire a profile writer for your Match.com or Nerve membership, now you’ve got it: your profile could get deconstructed by dating blogger Moxieinthecity.

Moxie is a networking event planner who, in addition to planning mixers and workshops around the country, offers dating advice to loveless and luckless readers on her blog “…And That’s Why You’re Single.”

And she’s looking for love online.

Bad for her dates who fail to impress, good for readers who get to benefit from her experience and wisdom. While most days she muses about her love life and dates, once in a while she flames nauseating online dating profiles she comes across, like this most recent installment of Online Dating D-bag O’ The Week:

I’m a freelance photographer, cinematographer and film-maker. Working on a pile of different projects at the moment (“entertainment,” luckily, appears to be a recession proof industry) including a genuinely funny comedy pilot, a feature film, a reality series that currently keeps me traveling the country, and…a few scripts of my own. When I have time, I produce stuff for other folks. This month I’m directing and producing a short I co-wrote. Busy.

(TRANSLATION: I’m such a bastard that I can’t work with anyone and can only work for myself.I;m also such a raging narcissist that I have to handle every aspect of a project because, well, nobody compares to ME. Take it easy, Spielberg.)

This guy breaks rule #2 when it comes to online dating profiles: don’t be braggadacious (#1 is showing scantily clad or shirtless photos of you –Not cute). The braggart comes in several flavors — the globe trotting traveler, the literary savant, the extreme sport tool–always easily identifiable by detail using a list of some sort in his online profile, like this guy who rattles off his “projects.” Apparently he thinks people are as easily impressed with his accomplishments as he is.

Online dating tip: If you’re going to be a resume rattling narcissist, don’t lead with it. Bury it at the end where we may have found something to like about you and can excuse a little self-promotion.

But while any experienced dater can point out the obvious dating don’t, Moxie takes it one step further delving into the psyche of our Clearly_Successful_Artist_Guy and calling him out for being 1) a control freak and 2) the scariest type of dater: the serial entrepreneur.

I might have missed that.

Read more of her deconstruction here.

Are iPhone users the new dating douches?

November 11, 2009 at 8:09 am | Posted in News | 1 Comment
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iphone

credit: retrevo.com

One in three iPhone owners has texted or emailed their significant other to break up, according to a gadget survey conducted by Retrevo. Twice as many iPhone users than Blackberry users admit to viewing porn on their smartphones, and they are also more likely than their Blackberry counterparts to be turned off by their partner’s use of an out-of-date gadget of some sort, confirming the widespread belief that Apple aficionados are snobs.

Does this study mean that consumers preference for sleek and shiny touch-screen mobile devices are cold, sex hungry, heartbreakers?

Continue Reading Are iPhone users the new dating douches?…

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