Spring Cleaning Your Man

March 16, 2010 at 1:06 pm | Posted in Dating Tips | 1 Comment
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Tristan Coopersmith is the author of MENu Dating: Taste Test Your Way to the Main Course– a single girl’s guide to falling in like, falling in love and falling into bed. Check out her book in retailers nationwide, online and on her site: http://www.menudatingonline.com. For musings on dating, follow her on twitter: @tristan_coop.

Spring has officially sprung. Now that the clocks have moved forward the days will get longer, winter’s cozier layers will reveal hot summer bods and all across the globe women will not only clean out their closets, boyfriends will also be discarded like last season’s trends.

That’s right, we’ve entered breakup season. All winter long lovebirds have been hibernating with their significant others, spending long, cold nights together – playing Jenga, watching movie marathons, enjoying winter getaways and bottomless cups of cocoa. What may have seemed so perfect in December when you were trading overflowing stockings, may have become tiresome (“Oh you again?”) or nerve rattling (“How could have ever found your snoring adorable?!”) And now that the sun has started to shine, you may now see possibilities abounding indicating to you it is time to trade in the old to make room for something new… and better.

Continue Reading Spring Cleaning Your Man…

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I Like Feelings

February 8, 2010 at 11:37 am | Posted in Dating Stories, Dating Tips | Leave a comment
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Simone Grant is writer from NYC.  She blogs daily at Sex, Lies, & Dating in the City.

In honor of Valentines Day I decided to pull up and re-polish an old post about my last big breakup.  What can I say, I have a strange sense of humor.

I didn’t deal well with my last breakup. I haven’t had a real relationship in a long while.  Long before I started my blog. And when that ended, I didn’t deal with it well.

I’m not going to point fingers or complain about what a total jackass the ex was/is.  That’s not the point of this post.  I just want to state, on the record, that I was a total mess for months.  I actually left the country for a couple of months to try to get away from “it all”.  Whatever that means.

I cried a lot.  A lot.  And every time I thought I was completely cool with it and that I’d never shed another tear over him, something would happen and I would start all over again.  Sometimes it would be him contacting me.  Sometimes it would be something I read or heard that made me think of him.  It doesn’t matter why.  The point is, I had those feelings all bottled up and it took a long while for them all to come out and and get resolved.

I’m so over it now.  In a way that makes me feel strong and confident.  Like I’m not afraid to let myself care about someone new.

So why am I mentioning this?  Well, there happen to be some really cool women out there in the blogosphere who are dealing with the aftermaths of breakups right now.  And the general vibe out there seems to be that crying is something a girl shouldn’t do.  That we should be able to get over these feelings quickly.  Or maybe not have them at all?  I don’t know.

I’m not judging anyone else or telling anyone what to do.  Just telling my story.  I was a freaking wreck.  Like you can’t even imagine.  I thought that he was the guy I was going to spend the rest of my life with (or at least a good many years).  And then he wasn’t.   And that change in my thinking made me unbearably sad.   For a long time.  And so I cried.

I’m one of those pro feeling people.  I’d rather live richly, with lots of highs and lows, than live moderately without the peaks and valleys.  I don’t love drama.  But I do love passion and excitement and well, I think you get the point.  I cared about the ex a lot.  I’d invested a lot in the vision I had of our future together.  Those were big feelings.  It just seems natural to me that it was followed by great sadness.

Alright, I’ve babbled enough.  Note to self, stop blogging in the middle of the night.

Detangling from your ex online

November 25, 2009 at 8:00 am | Posted in Dating Stories, Dating Tips, Social Media, Uncategorized | Leave a comment
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“Unfriending” may be the word of the year, but not so long ago everyone was your friend, including your spouse, former flames, grade school classmates, random business contacts, and long lost relatives. In fact, it was considered petty to remove someone from your Facebook network for any reason.

But now that social networking is becoming more engrained in our everyday lives and our identities, staying in touch with people is easier than ever and requires zero effort or communication at all — including with people you really want to forget. In that respect, technology is making it harder to move on after a break up and digital boundaries need to be redrawn.

One man admitted in an article in the New York Times Modern Love section his masochistic tendency to periodically Facebook-haunt his ex. While he was still “friends” with her despite maintaining radio silence after their clean break up, he was bothered when his grandfather decided to friend her. That fb faux pas incited a letter to his grandfather demanding to know why such a breach of electronic etiquette would occur when he couldn’t cut ties to her himself. Silly and immature, but that’s what Facebook makes us.

It seems that he was fine maintaining his technology status quo with her, but drew the line when she expanded further into his social network. But should he be friends with her at all post-breakup? While that question warrants its own debate, perhaps there’s a simpler solution for the interim: Should Facebook, for our own good, offer a cooling-off check box that temporarily hides them from our Friends list and prevents their statuses from appearing in the News feed until we really have moved on.

No doubt Facebook’s response to that enhancement request would be “grow up.” However, several articles are available to help us figure out how todetangle our exes from our digital lives.

I’m not a fan of deleting every email — they’re useful for remembering why you guys broke up in the first place. But I’m a firm believer in removing from IM and deleting contacts from phones , because watching someone log in and out every day makes to move on, and seeing your ex’s name while scanning your contact list will be a constant reminder that he or she hasn’t called.

Defriending and blocking on Facebook is a no-brainer, but it go far enough. While it prevents the other person from contacting or stalking you, you can still contact and see your ex’s comments and posts on your mutual friends page. In a perfect world there would be a way to block every instance of your ex from your world. Where’s that button? At least until you get over them.

Source: NYtimes.com

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