Opt In… To Inspiration

March 24, 2010 at 11:43 am | Posted in Dating Tips | Leave a comment
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Tristan Coopersmith is the author of MENu Dating: Taste Test Your Way to the Main Course– a single girl’s guide to falling in like, falling in love and falling into bed. Check out her book in retailers nationwide, online and on her site: http://www.menudatingonline.com. For musings on dating, follow her on twitter: @tristan_coop.

I’m a sweets-a-holic. If you know me, you know that I can’t pass up a dessert menu, my therapy comes in the form of baking and in my house anytime is a good time for celebratory birthday cake and ice cream. That said, as of yesterday, I’m on a sugar hiatus – a challenge brought on by none other than my mother (ironically, another glutton for glucose).

Since I made this commitment, I have seen no less than 3 Duncan Hines commercials, noticed not one, not two, but THREE new treat shops in my neighborhood and seriously, are the Girl Scouts on a mission to make the world fat because they seem to be on as many corners as a Starbucks in Seattle. WTF?!

Well the fact is, only one of the three treat shops is new. The Girl Scouts are just doing what they do like the good little scouts that they are. And I really don’t think that there is an advertising devil in my TV taunting me with ads that wouldn’t otherwise be there if I wasn’t on sugar remission. It only feels that way. No different than if you have an “Oh shit, I’m late, I must be pregnant” scare and every which way you turn you see a mom pushing a stroller or an ad for Pampers… also no different than when you are…

Suddenly or frustratingly single. There you are, trying to forget about the world of couples and all around you it is IN YOUR FACE! PDA-obsessed couples making out on park benches, boys and girls hands-intertwined everywhere making it impossible for you to pass by, ads for heartfelt romance movies, mushy greeting cards and so on and so on. WTF?!

Did the whole world get coupled up overnight leaving you as the lone single soldier? Hardly. (In fact it is break-up season right now.) It just looks like that on the outside because of the way you feel on the inside – be it defeated, deflated, or otherwise just yucky about love. So here’s the deal, you’ve got two ways you can handle this:

You can either:

A) Throw yourself a pity party. But skip the pigs in a blanket because no one but you is showing up for this soiree. Wallowing in y our own misery or hating on others happiness gets you to no place good. This method decreases the hope and positive outlook you have for your own future. It replaces what could be good power with bad and it wraps you up in an aura of undateable energy.


B) Get inspired by the love you see! There is a reason that you are hyper-sensitive to all of the love around you right now. Whether you are willing to admit it or not, it’s because you want it. Instead of casting the makeout junkies the evil eye, get inspired by it! Envision yourself lip-locking a lover in the near future. Instead of nearly puking (or crying) at every ad that includes messages of love, visualize what you would look like in one of them. Instead of feeling hopeless at the site of hearts, hand-holding, lollipops in the shape of lips or whatever symbols feel like they are out to get you, use them to get hopeful. Consider all of these signs, signs that love is on its way for you. Because… when you believe in love, you become more loveable.

And here’s another thought. When you are in the presence of an adoring couple, stranger or otherwise, consider extracting pearls of love wisdom from them. Not only will you get an injection of faith, when you step back into coupledom yourself, you will be a little bit more enlightened. According to Amy Spencer, author of the book Meeting Your Half Orange, “It’s easy to lose track of what the heck you want. Look at other relationships you admire and pick the things you admire about them from the substantial to the seemingly inconsequential.” I couldn’t agree more – real live couples (not the ones on the big screen and definitely not the ones on reality TV) can help you create your own relationship blueprint.

Your choice seems easy to me. Pity party vs. Inspiration. A pity party leads to swollen eyes and isolation but inspiration is a catalyst for change and change produces positive action. In this case, change will manifest itself in a more open-minded, open-hearted feeling towards what’s next on your journey towards fulfilling love… and that is definitely something to opt in on.

Live and love largely,



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