Spring Cleaning Your Man

March 16, 2010 at 1:06 pm | Posted in Dating Tips | 1 Comment
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Tristan Coopersmith is the author of MENu Dating: Taste Test Your Way to the Main Course– a single girl’s guide to falling in like, falling in love and falling into bed. Check out her book in retailers nationwide, online and on her site: http://www.menudatingonline.com. For musings on dating, follow her on twitter: @tristan_coop.

Spring has officially sprung. Now that the clocks have moved forward the days will get longer, winter’s cozier layers will reveal hot summer bods and all across the globe women will not only clean out their closets, boyfriends will also be discarded like last season’s trends.

That’s right, we’ve entered breakup season. All winter long lovebirds have been hibernating with their significant others, spending long, cold nights together – playing Jenga, watching movie marathons, enjoying winter getaways and bottomless cups of cocoa. What may have seemed so perfect in December when you were trading overflowing stockings, may have become tiresome (“Oh you again?”) or nerve rattling (“How could have ever found your snoring adorable?!”) And now that the sun has started to shine, you may now see possibilities abounding indicating to you it is time to trade in the old to make room for something new… and better.

If you’ve got the breakup itch, you’re not alone – Jennifer Love Hewitt and Kate Winslett joined the single women’s tribe this week. And this is just the beginning of what is the annual relationship apocalypse among couples. Just wait and see. Be it long term love or short, spring is the time to dispose of unhealthy, unsatisfying or going nowhere relationships, because with summer around the corner, there is no shortage of opportunities to revisit like and love’s playground!

But how do you do it? Once you’ve committed to uncommitting, how do you break it off? Well it all depends on what caused you to come to the end of bliss road. Below are a few examples of various break-up situations and the best/worst approaches to cutting the tie. In general though, any breakup method ought to be quick, honest and respectful, complete with “I” statements. It should offer a clear explanation but not be drawn out. It should declare unquestionable finality – not leaving a measure of ambiguity. Your goal should be to cause the least amount of post break-up drama for both parties involved.

The ‘Broken Heart’ Break-up -> This break-up is the one that wrenches your heart out of your chest and throws it out on to the street just in time for a bus to run it over, followed by a concrete pouring truck, followed by a steam roller, and finally by an exploding gasoline truck. Heartbreak to this magnitude is caused by acts of horrendous disrespect such as cheating. These violations are undeniably painful and the damage to the relationship is likely irreversible.

The wrong way: Seeking revenge by destroying his property, ruining his relationships with loved ones, or employing any vindictive behavior is not the route to take. Karma will take care of the wrong-doer more powerfully than you can. THIS APPROACH SPELLS: PSYCHO

The right way: The most painful words one can hear are those expressing disappointment. Although an initial reaction may be to curse him out, simply looking at him with disgust and disdain and delivering a simple message of disappointment cuts the heart permanently. Taking a stance of strength in a situation like this can not only provide great guilt to the guilty, but offer a sense of empowerment as opposed to victimization to you. THIS APPROACH SPELLS: IN CONTROL

The ‘I’m Not Happy’ Break-up -> This break-up arises after a long period of exhaustive arguing that ultimately illustrates that the two parties are not on the same page in terms of how their relationship should function. In this situation, a break-up has been considered on countless occasions and sometimes even used as a threat to leverage change in the other person. Unfortunately, persistent differences will always inevitably lead to an actual break-up. This often is the saddest break-up because so much effort was put into “making it work” and the relationship may end still with one/both members not completely certain that ending it was indeed the right thing.

The wrong way: Attempting to get him to break up with you instead of being brave enough to do it yourself. This is often a dish served up passively aggressively whereby you initiate a “talk” proceeding to bring up all of your problems, resisting every possible solution, leading your BF down a path that leads to no option other than breaking up. THIS APPROACH SPELLS: COWARD

The right way: Address the demise of the relationship head on. Don’t point fingers or cast blame; explain that although the two of you have put in great effort to salvage the relationship, it has run its course and you are just not happy. At the break-up point, there should not be a discussion of how to once again try to “make it work.” Employ the rip-it-off quickly Band-Aid theory. THIS APPROACH SPELLS: KINDNESS

The ‘Dead-End’ Break-up -> This is the break-up that comes out of a relationship that is lacking potential for a future. Most often the relationship is navigating a smooth course, void of any major rifts. However, for one of the participants, the desire to mature the relationship and elevate it to the next level, is absent. Symptoms of this type of break-up include sudden trivial irritations (such as the way the person laughs) and decreasing your loved on as a priority in your life.

The wrong way: The classic “It’s not you, it’s me” approach is the most typical route to take, but is not completely true and the recipient of such a message knows it. He’s left in bewilderment and could have a difficult time moving past without some sense of closure. THIS APPROACH SPELLS: WHITE-LIAR

The right way: Explain that you no longer share the same feelings and that you don’t see a co-mingled future together. When asked about specific reasons for the change in feelings, be sensititve but straightforward. Express gratitude for the relationship. THIS APPROACH SPELLS: THOROUGH.

Hey, so there may be a lot of lonely-heart tears and hugs, drunken rebounded makeout sessions and chocolate binges for the first few weeks post breakup, but rest assure your heart will be shining as brightly as the sun soon, healed and wiser then ever and you will be moving on to some serious summer lovin!

Live and love largely,



1 Comment »

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  1. It is to my best interest to stubmble and to post to backpage.

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