How to rock at dating in 2010

January 6, 2010 at 8:00 am | Posted in Dating Tips | 2 Comments
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Consider it this way: you have 11 more months until the 2010 holiday season to find someone new. But if you keep doing the same things you did last year to meet a guy or girl, you’ll end up at the same place: alone at the kiddie table at Thanksgiving, taking your best friend to the company holiday party, and no one to kiss on New Year’s Eve.

Before you start signing up for every dating service offering a coupon or promotion to avoid the fate of the single guy, start with a few personal improvements that will make dating more effective this year.

Improve your attitude. I’ll spare you the hokey spiel on the power of positive thinking, but imagine that you had a friend or were set up with someone who constantly complained about their inability to find a good guy or girl, or bitched about all their bad dates, or trashed every person to whom you wanted to introduce. I recently was speaking with a girl who got out of a six month relationship and wanted to meet someone new. She didn’t want to try online dating, she didn’t want to date anyone under 6’4“ (she was 5’4”) and she didn’t want to join any technology centric groups where there were sure to be guys (kill me now, was her response). But she did want me to introduce her to guys I knew. But the way I felt about it was, why should I help you when you don’t want to help yourself? If you’re going to poo poo all my suggestions and probably all my friends, you’re on your own. But I have another friend who basically has only two requirements for a set up: be single, and be around 30 years old. She’s a matchmaker’s dream. Cute, friendly, outgoing, and willing to try anything. If you appear more open minded and positive about new experiences–even if they don’t work out–people will be more willing to help you out. And that girl who only dated tall guys? I think she’s still single.

Let go of bad relationships. You’ve stopped dating them, now you need to stop thinking about them, talking to them, talking about them, and basically letting them anywhere near your social life. I’m not saying that you have to banish your ex from your life all together, but you must give yourself the space to meet someone new. Because as long as you have the security blanket of walking down memory lane with your old squeeze or are spending time with your ex when you could be out looking for Next, you are going to be complacent at dating and missing opportunities and signals for meeting someone new. Maybe you’re holding on to your past love life because you want to avoid giving your full attention and self–and all the responsibilities that comes with it–to someone new. But you’re only shooting yourself in the foot, because if your ex is fulfilling your emotional needs, you won’t make room for someone else to come into your life because that seat is already taken.

Accept invitations. Do you have friends who are picky invitation acceptors? Because I do, and those girls are single. If you’re in the habit of cherry picking the events that you want to attend, you’re missing out on some opportunities to meet new people, and that same closed-minded attitude could be holding you back from opening yourself up to new experiences and letting people in.

Work your network. Let your friends know that you’re serious about meeting someone new and are open to being set up on dates. It’s true, “blind date” are two of the scariest words ever strung together, but for many people it’s a chance try new restaurants, drag someone to that movie they’ve been wanting to see, expand their social network, and maybe, possibly, hopefully find someone great. You may not know anyone who’s single, but your friends do. Work Facebook and Thread.com to date from your friends’ social networks.

Pay it forward. If you’re single, then you definitely have time for volunteering or charity work. Doing good in the world also provides personal benefits — it not only improves mental health and lowers the risk of health disease, but it’s a great place to meet like-minded people.

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2 Comments »

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  1. Great post!
    I’m whole heartedly agree with ‘Accepting Invitations.’ That’s how you meet awesome people and make connections. Attending yelp events has helped with this.

  2. Excellent post & great tips for the New Year!


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