People Change

January 4, 2010 at 8:00 am | Posted in Dating Stories | Leave a comment
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Simone Grant is writer from NYC.  She blogs daily at Sex, Lies and Dating in the City.

People change, but not always the way we want them to.  I’m just going to throw that out there as a starting point.

The new year had me thinking of this story (first told on my blog a couple of months ago).  A long, long time ago I was a young college student.  Not a young, naive college student.  I don’t, actually, remember ever being naive.  But I was young.  And for a while I had this boyfriend who I’ll call D.  D was very, very cute.  And kinda not very bright.  But very, very cute.  He was a few years older than me and claimed to have graduated from college a couple of years earlier (not the same school I went to) but I never entirely believed him because, as I already mentioned, he was kinda not very bright.  I’d like to also mention that he was a really great guy, in a lot of ways.  He volunteered at a local nursing home and was good to his family (babysat for his sister’s kids, for example).  And the sex was great.

Anyway, we split up for a fairly mundane reason, but I never really regretted it.  I didn’t see us having a future.  Just lots of fun while it lasted.

Skip to a few years after I graduated when I get a call from my mom.  D had called her and told her that he never stopped thinking about me and really wanted to get in touch with me (which translated in my mind to, he just got out of a relationship and was dreaming of gfs past).  My mom didn’t give him my number, but she did take his for me.  And I was curious (read – not seeing anyone special) and so I called him.

He was still living in the same place, doing an even crappier job than the one he had when I was seeing him (at this point I was finishing up grad school), a few hours outside of NYC.  His brother, however, happened to live just around the corner from me.  So we made plans for him to spend the next weekend with his brother.  I agreed to have dinner with him on Friday night.  Nothing more.

A good friend of mine from college happened to work at a fairly swanky french restaurant.  And I knew that if I asked nicely he could comp us our dinners/drinks.  I barely ever went anywhere really nice, being a grad student, and I figured it would make the night extra-special.  BAD MOVE.  When it came time to order, D got all panicky(he was intimidated by the restaurant and the menu) and just ordered the same thing I did.  I can’t recall exactly what it was, other than it was seafood.  And it turns out that D despised seafood.  So he spent the dinner pushing his food around his plate like a child.  It seems that, while I had grown and developed some more sophisticated tastes, D was still living off of beer and wings (which I love, btw) and pizza.  Add to that that we had nothing to talk about anymore.  Absolutely nothing. I kept trying to think of things to say, but his answers were all either monosyllabic or ridiculous. My swanky dinner was a total disaster.

So you’d imagine that I gave him a hug goodnight and never saw him again.  No, don’t be silly.  I brought him back to my place and had really, really bad sex with him.

??

Not only didn’t we get along as people anymore, but the sex also went bad.  Whatever it was that made the sex amazing just a few years earlier was gone.  And what we were left with was awful.  Really, really awful.

I guess it just comes down to this – people change.  Not because we want them to.  And not in ways you’d expect.  But they do.  We all do.  A little bit everyday.  No one stays the same.  Not for long.  The bond that D and I had, it wasn’t that deep to begin with, and so we didn’t stand a chance.  We’d both changed too much, become too different.  So much so that even the flicker of chemistry we still shared wasn’t enough to give us one night of good sex.

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