That’s So Hot. (A List of What is and What isn’t Sexy)

December 18, 2009 at 8:19 am | Posted in Dating Stories, Dating Tips | 2 Comments
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Simone Grant is writer from NYC.  She blogs daily at Sex, Lies and Dating in the City.

So I was out last night at a little tweetup, having fun, when all of a sudden it hit me – wow, our group was made up of a lot of pretty damn sexy individuals.  Now I’m not saying this just to fluff a bunch of egos.  Not at all.  It’s just what I was thinking at the time.  That a heck of a lot of the assembled folks (men and women, and btw, men were in the majority) were sexy.  At least, in my eyes.

So once my brain went there, it went to the next most logical place.  Why did I think that?  What is sexy, after all?  And is it the same for men and women?  Hmm.  I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say that some of these things apply to what guys find sexy, but not all.  And that the average guy’s list would have a bit more emphasis on visuals.

Anyway, here’s my list.  My That’s So Hot list.  It’s really just a tip of the iceberg.  What came to mind today.  No where near comprehensive.  For what it’s worth:

  1. A big, easy-going, natural smile. – A natural (not cheesy, salesman-like) smile tells me a guy is probably friendly and happy and maybe even well-adjusted.  Or at the very least pleasantly drunk and in a good mood.  If I walk in to a room full of virtual strangers, I’m going to look for a smiling guy, walk right up to him and start talking.  Sourpusses, scowlers and men who have perfected the bad boy glare can all go stand in the corner by themselves and look cool.
  2. Taking care of yourself/not being horribly out of shape – Last night’s group ranged from mid twenties to early fifties, with a healthy chunk of us wedged dead in the middle.  None of the men present looked like they spent too much time in the gym, but they all looked they were aware of time’s passing and worked to stay in shape. For the record, I think a 40 yr old guy with a busy life and a little extra padding is hotter than one who gets up at 4am every morning to go to the gym so that he never gains a pound.
  3. Smart as hell with lots of interesting things on the top of your tongue –  I was trying to circulate last night, and while I did I overheard so many different, interesting conversations.  I kind of wanted to stop and join all of them.  And, btw, no one was namedropping, gossiping or talking about the latest tabloid scandal.  That shit is so not hot.
  4. Chutzpah – (Sorry, I’m in a very NYC state of mind today) – I could have said confidence, sure.  But it’s more than that.  Balls. Cojones. Audacity.  No, I mean chutzpah.  In a good way.  This is very different than arrogant, but please don’t ask me to explain it to you.
  5. Kindness – You might think this goes with the smile, but it’s more than that.  Like most gatherings, people arrived over the course of several hours.  At one point in the evening, our little corner of the bar was packed and every seat was taken.  Three different men were hopping up and offereing to go fetch additional seats because there was a a woman who was standing in a bending/awkward position to join a group that was talking.  None of them knew her and none of them were a part of that conversation.  AND, none of them wanted anything from it (hit on her afterwards).  They’re all just really kind, decent men who didn’t want to see anyone uncomfortable, even for a moment.  SO HOT!

So, ladies, what did I miss? If you were writing this list, what would be on it? And guys, what about you? What would be on your “So Hot” short list?



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  1. Simone,
    I completely agree with your list. Reporting from SF/Silicon Valley, the guys could offer a little more ‘kindness’ and everyone could do a lot less namedropping, which is so NOT HOT.
    What’s missing from your list? A sense of humor…work/life balance (sometimes hard to find a man in the Valley who does this well)…face to face communication. Social Media is great, to a point, but there are definite times when meeting f2f or even a phone call is better.
    Thanks for the post. Looking forward to reading your blog.

  2. I spend a majority of my time in SM and I get burnt out from it. I think it’s great for networking – forming connections that can lead to meaningful, in-person interactions. But I agree that the fundamental experience of meeting people is meeting the people themselves.

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