40 other things you shouldn’t say to your single friend

November 18, 2009 at 12:00 pm | Posted in Dating Tips, Social Media | 1 Comment
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We posted the top five dating suggestions that make single people’s skin crawl then opened a thread on Yelp to find other annoying advice we missed. Here’s 40 other things you shouldn’t say to your single friend:

6. Tick Tock

7. so when are you getting married?

8. It’s okay if you’re gay, there is nothing wrong with that.

9. If you wait too long, all the good ones will be taken.

10. If you don’t have a BF by 25, you are too late.

11. Well… I don’t think you’re pathetic…You’ll always have me

12. If you sleep with every hipster guy in the Mission, people are going to start calling you a slut.

13. Don’t worry, I’m sure the right person is out there, just waiting for you to come along.

14. Working out is a great way to relieve sexual frustration, and maybe you’ll meet someone at the gym!

15. You need to wear a push-up bra/something more girly/tight/pink.

16. This guy was hitting on me on the bus this morning. I told him to call me and gave him your number. Is that okay?

17. When are you going to have a baby? You are getting old you know

18. Are you lonely?

19. You shouldn’t try to meet someone at the bar/gym/work.

20. You should hurry up and find someone before your hymen grows back. (funny, but also not)

21. This guy gave me his number but I don’t like him.  You want his number?

22. Are you working on becoming a crazy old cat lady?

23. Why have you never been married?

24. What did you do this time to drive him away?

25. At this point, you are better off waiting for the second round when all the divorcees get back out there.

26. I’d give you advice, but I can’t even remember what it feels like to not have my phone ringing off the hook.

27. I told you s/he’d never marry you. (Response: Thanks, Dad.)

28. You see… it is not unlike getting a job while you have been unemployed all year long. You should just get a temp position underneath someone decent until you find what you are really looking for. Searching around with confidence will increase your odds of finding something worthwhile.

29. Lots of people never get married. It’s not for everyone! (Dad told me that, when I was like 23. WTF?)

30. Time to get down to your “hunting weight.”

31. There are many fish in the water.  The only person you can blame is yourself if  you don’t get one.

32. A bird in-hand is worth 2 in the bush. All you need is to find some bushes… and to give your hand some rest.

33. Whatever happened to so-and-so?  She was so cute. (Response: Yes, fuck you for reminding me, why don’t you just give me paper cuts and pour lemon juice on them next time?)

34. Don’t worry, look how me and [my unattractive and/or douchebag significant other] turned out.

35.  Stop sleeping with every dude you meet.

36. Are you busy Saturday night?  Can you babysit?

37. You’re trying too hard.

38. You’re kind of  a prude though.

39. You know, sooner or later you’ll meet someone who’ll see past everything and value you for who you are on the inside.

40. Well, at least no one’s expecting you to have pretty toenails all the time.

41. I don’t see what’s so hard about it.  Just find a guy you like, and ask him out!  Then you won’t be lonely!

42. Yeah, at your age, if a guy is still single, there must be something terribly wrong with him.

43. Why are you being so picky ? You’re not THAT hot.

44. Maybe you’re not ready yet?

45. Do you have intimacy problems/commitment issues?



1 Comment »

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  1. so this guy walks up at a bar and says, “so how was your weekend?” “great, i went to a wedding.” “oh,” he says, “are you jealous of the bride…cause i know some girls get that way if they don’t have a husband.”

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