Tristan Coopersmith is a love stylist, helping women architect their ideal love lives. She is also the author of MENu Dating: Taste Test Your Way to the Main Course- a single girl’s guide to falling in like, falling in love and falling into bed. Check out her book in retailers nationwide, online and on her site: www.menudatingonline.com. For musings on dating, follow her on twitter: @tristan_coop.

To become an ace student of dating, it is all about putting what you learn into action. Burying yourself in textbooks and lessons can only take you so far so here is a cliff notes, crash course in dating designed to give you insta-success this weekend out in the dating playground. Don’t worry about failing – there is no such thing – it is all about risking error to learn from the trial. So study your ABCs and have fun in the field! I look forward to hearing about what you learn!

A is for Acting like who you think a guy wants you to be always backfires. Think of this like wearing a padded bra. Eventually the padded bra is going to come off revealing the real flat-chested you and the real dissappointed him. So instead of chameleoning yourself into what you think he wants, play yourself instead – you get an academy award for that role every time.

B is for Believing in love which instantly makes you more lovable. When you have faith that someday you will fall into true love, that feeling shines through every ounce of your being and projects out into the world. You become a magnetic ball of loveable energy that is irresistible to men.

C is for Cupid strikes those open for business. Cupid isn’t an equal opportunity shooter. He seeks those open to the idea of dating – meaning if you stay cooped up in your apartment reading old issues of UsWeekly on Friday nights, stay buried in your iPod in cafes to avoid having strangers talk to you, or are convinced all the good guys are taken or are gay – you will never got shot by love’s arrow.

D is for Don’t be afraid of commitment; be afraid of committing to the wrong guy. Commitment to another person is one of life’s most beautiful unions. It shouldn’t be feared; it should be desired and honored and such that, not taken lightly. Approach commitment with care and diligence, taking your time as a sign of respect for yourself.

E is for Expectations ought to be realistic. Instead of going out shopping for a husband, shop for a good time. Keep things simple and in the present. Live in the moment to keep your sanity and potential future with your guy, intact.

F is for Flirting should feel like a mini orgasm: Powerful, mysterious and magnetic. The goal is to leave your target wanting to come back for more.

G is for Go for the gold medal in love. Don’t accept good enough – not the silver, not the bronze. Believe that you are worthy of the best possible love in your love and never quit until you arrive at it, even if that means holding out for a little longer than you expected. Waking up next to a gold medal guy every day will make it worth the wait and effort.

H is for Happier women have happier love lives. It is hard to attract a great guy if all you’ve got to offer is a sub-par or problem filled life. Go out and build yourself an ooey gooey sticky sweet sundae of a life – one that a man can be the cherry on top of. Great relationships are ones in which partners are compliments to each other’s already wonderful lives, not solutions to their broken ones.

I is for Increase your odds of meeting someone special by expanding your dating playgrounds beyond being double-fisted in a bar or online. The whole world can be seen as an opportunity to meet someone datable if you have your eyes and heart open. There’s no wrong place to meet Mr. Right.

J is for Joke’s on you if you think finding happily-ever-after is supposed to be a breeze. Falling in like and love (and sometimes into bed) is one fabulously flawed process. Love is the greatest treasure you will ever find, but you have to go through many experiences, which prepare you for the responsibility of it. That’s what dating does – if you do it right, it trains you – it’s like boot camp.

K is for Kissing is a critical preview. If a guy’s kissing skills are lackluster, don’t expect much from his sex skills. Bad kissing is to good sex as a bad script is to a good movie – it doesn’t exist, so save yourself for someone who can really liplock.

L is for Love luck. Being unlucky in love is not about a bad dice roll or crappy fortune cookie. It is about being unopen to love; to change that, you need to free your fears. It is about being stupid about love; to change that, you need to free your self-love. It is about being unavailable to love; to change that, you need to free your heart.

M is for Mengagement. Guys love to be hit on so don’t just wait shyly by for them to come over, go get what you want! Beat tongue-tiedness by banking on these foolproof pickup methods to engage with men: 1) Ask for help, 2) Compliment him, 3) Share something with him, like food, or 4) a sweet and simple, “Hello!”

N is for Never marry someone you haven’t taken a roadtrip with, haven’t had a blowout fight with and then actually resolved it (not just kiss, made up and swept the issue under the rug), haven’t had a heart to heart with their key family members, haven’t played co-parent with to some bratty kids to for a long weekend.

O is for Own your love status. Take responsibility for where you are. Don’t blame your ex or your daddy issues. Work through 100% of your 50% in everything. Envision where you want to be – what ideal love looks like to you – in order to get there.

P is for Pay attention to what’s in front of you to know what lies ahead of you. What you see is most always what you get and while potential can be wrapped up in a pretty package, it is slippery for your heart to make decisions in the present based on what you hope might happen in the future.

Q is for Quality sometimes is arrived at through quantity. Nix the notion that it should only take x number of dates or that you ought to be married off by x age. Instead of working to beat some type of clock, put your love life on an experience line, not a timeline. Commit to being a smart, seasoned dater, no matter how long or how many dates it takes. We cannot control when love will strike but we will never be successful at it if we are not ready. Being ready comes with experience.

R is for Repetition in dating (i.e. dating loser after losing, always being the doormat, etc.) is a result of not learning from your mistakes. Dating is like algebra. You need to identify the variable that creates negative results and change it if you want a different outcome.

S is for Sell your cleavage… and not the form that is measurable and held up by straps and a wire. Every girl has something about her that is just as sexy, just as magnetically attractive to the male species as boob gutter, and probably even more so since it is weighted in substance. Figure out what your cleavage is, push it up miracle bra style and market that when you go out into the dating playground next.

T is for Technology can kill your flirting game. Buds in your ears or having your pretty little face buried in your smart phone is like holding up a “do not disturb” sign, warding off potential cuties from coming your way. Burst your tech bubble to have a better shot of pushing the buttons of a man instead.

U is for Until you try something on for size, give it a ride or taste it, you have no idea if you like it. The more you sample, the more specifically you will be able to fine-tune your wants and your needs, both emotionally and physically – and that is the point of dating. Explore all options that come your way so that when you make your final decision, you do so with confidence.

V is for Vajazzling fail. Don’t do it. Just wax your hoo-ha into a respectable, minimalistic style. Hand-placed Swarovski crystals down there says to a guy that you have too much money, too much time and that you need too much attention.

W is for Wear one statement accessory always – a funky hat, a bold watch, a unique, necklace, a daring belt – something that will help a guy kickstart a conversation with you. Don’t overdo it though. Less is more when it comes to fashion and know that the very best accessory you can wear is a beautiful smile.

X is for Xes are in the trash for good reason so really carefully consider it when you resurrect them. A case of retrosexualitis is usually due to loneliness, laziness, regret or horniness. Remember that a movie sequel is rarely as good and certainly never better than the first one, so your energy is better spent on finding new love than it is on recycling old love.

Y is for You deserve what you accept; you accept what you deserve. Decide what you believe you deserve and accept nothing less than that. After all, you deserve it, right?

Z is for Zip it! On the first few dates, if you want to see more of him, avoid the following taboo topics: soulmates/destiny/fate, upcoming weddings you need a date for, ex-boyfriends or the number of guys you’ve bedded, your therapist or bouts in rehab, your perfectly mapped out plans for the future and current debt or your trust fund.

Live and love largely,

Professor Tristan

It’s not my forte to dish on celeb couplings and decouplings. After all, who am I to have an opinion about people I don’t know, not to mention I consider celebs people just like you and I (particularly the likes of Jim Carrey – I’ve had lunch with him and he couldn’t be sweeter, smarter, more real). Buuuuuuuut… yesterday when Jim and Jenny announced the news of their breakup, surprisingly to me, I was profoundly struck. If you missed it, the twosome left little for speculation (in a very unHollywood move), by personally and very maturely (which only makes me love them that much more) announcing their breakup via Twitter:

Jim Carrey: Jenny and I have just ended our 5yr relationship. I’m grateful 4 the many blessings we’ve shared and I wish her the very best! S’okay!

Jenny McCarthy: Im so grateful for the years Jim and I had together. I will stay committed to Jane and will always keep Jim as a leading man in my heart.

As expected the wire went abuzz with questions surrounding what could have gone wrong, especially since they seemed like the perfect couple, publicly supporting each other and just as recently as Valentine’s Day Jenny offered up a grand display of love in the sky for Jim, to which he replied via Twitter his massive appreciation and love for Jenny. Frankly though, I could care less… that’s between the two of them. I think, the media focus should be on what went right. Finally, a high profile celeb couple separated respectfully. But you won’t see the media cover that. It will dig for shame, betrayal, dirt of any kind. That’s how jaded we’ve become. My guess – it won’t find any. But instead of shining a teachable light on this wonderful couple, it will just move on to find an ugly, scandal-ridden breakup.

So, I want to take a minute to toast J2 for being a healthy couple. A couple that charted their relationship course with open eyes and open hearts… all the way to the end of the road… unafraid to go the distance even if it meant parting ways. Parting ways gives them each the freedom to find love on another path. That is the greatest gift two people who truly love each other can give. Walking away when you know your destination is headed towards a dead end or to a destructive place is a huge sign of strength; conversely, it is the weak that stay fooling themselves into thinking that they are warriors fighting for something that is already nothing, too afraid to go it alone.

I want to toast them for breaking up with respect for each other and gratitude for the time they had with each other which. Having done this will help them kickstart their individual healing process that much faster.

And further they should also be commended for being amazing role models to their kids, who obviously were an integral part of their relationship. The way they have handled this will make it much easier on two innocent children who reaped the benefits of the love between Jim and Jenny but will also miss their union.

So here’s to Jim and Jenny for teaching all of us how to care for a relationship all the way to the end, how to be grateful for it and how to gift each other new opportunities to love. May their next chapters be as bright as this last one.

Live and love largely,

Tristan

Tristan Coopersmith is a love stylist, helping women architect their ideal love lives. She is also the author of MENu Dating: Taste Test Your Way to the Main Course- a single girl’s guide to falling in like, falling in love and falling into bed. Check out her book in retailers nationwide, online and on her site: www.menudatingonline.com. For musings on dating, follow her on twitter: @tristan_coop.

Thread.com's first matchmakers and singles mixer at Mr. Smith's.

No theme, holiday, or cause — just an excuse to get a bunch of matchmakers, singles, and interesting people together to make matches. To sweeten the deal, the first 150 people through the door get a free drink, and it’s half price drinks all night long.

After the event, log back onto Thread.com to tell us who you thought was cute, and we’ll tell you if they liked you back. If you didn’t like someone, we promise not to tell…

More than 300 people attended our first mixer, and Thread.com recorded it’s 2nd highest day of Shuffle use. I saw a few matches happen that night, and we heard stories of friends finding dates on Thread.com after the event.

RSVP early to get on the guest list because we’re closing the invite list when we reach capacity. We know — so much pressure! But if you can’t make it this time, we understand. We plan on throwing more of these events, so make sure you become our fan on Facebook or follow us on Twitter to stay in the loop and attend our next party.

During my years as a New York subway rider I learned the art of eavesdropping. I found that to pass commuter time I could glean amazing insights from swiftly listening in on other people’s conversations. The things I picked up ranged from hilarious to absurd to enlightening to downright disgusting and everything in between. Since having moved to LA my easy eavesdropping opportunities have diminished drastically but lately my ears have perked up to some sentiments too juicy not to share… and guess what, it isn’t the guys who are dishing ittongue biters – it’s the ladies. So, here from my ears to your screen, a few things I’ve heard lately definitely not worth repeating:

WHAT SHE SAID: “I’m on the rag – you have no shot.” – a woman to a guy who was checking her out (at Target)

WHAT HE THOUGHT: She’s a crass, pretentious bitch who probably really needs to get laid

WHAT SHE SAID: “We can spend the evening fighting over me or you can each buy me a glass of wine.” – a woman talking to two older men (at a wine bar)

WHAT THEY THOUGHT: She’s a gold digger or potential threesome

WHAT SHE SAID: “I’ll go lesbo before I date someone short, someone bald or someone who drives an American car.” – a woman on the phone I believe talking to her mom (in Trader Joe’s)

WHAT ANYONE IN EARSHOT THOUGHT: She’ll end up an old maid living with her mom in ten years

WHAT SHE SAID: “Thanks. It’s from Bali where my ex was supposed to take me for Xmas but decided to take his apparent other girlfriend instead.” – a woman in reply to a guy who had just complimented her necklace (at a local coffee shop)

WHAT HE THOUGHT: She is so clearly not over her ex

And my favorite…

WHAT SHE SAID: “You look like Jesse James. No thanks.” – a woman turning down a drink from a tattooed guy in a leather jacket (at a bar)

WHAT HE THOUGHT: Sweet, I look like Jesse James!

I’m all for speaking your mind but this is proof that there are some things best left unsaid. Heard any juicy eavesdroppings of your own? Please share! (Comments feature is working again… I think… xo)

Live and love largely… and listen closely,

Tristan

Tristan Coopersmith is the author of MENu Dating: Taste Test Your Way to the Main Course- a single girl’s guide to falling in like, falling in love and falling into bed. Check out her book in retailers nationwide, online and on her site: www.menudatingonline.com. For musings on dating, follow her on twitter: @tristan_coop.

“Here.” Yes, a place that can feel lonely, rejecting, embarrassing, deflating, full of questions, confusing, a place that feels like it can only be comforted by tequila, ice cream, Pringles, boy bitch-fests and the emptying of tissue boxes. But it is also a place of opportunity to grow. To grow strong and wise. A place to clear your head and understand your heart. A place to evaluate where you’ve been (FYI: all your other “here’s” you’ve experienced are not created equal), where you are and where you want to go. A place to be thankful for your relationship – be it short or long term, every relationship can be considered purposeful if when you arrive at its end, you take the time to look in the rear view mirror critically and unravel it, celebrating the good times and learning from the rocky ones… this makes the time spent in it, instead of seemingly regretful, worth it. And finally “here” is a place to push the restart button. A place to start with a blank canvas again, only this time with more knowledge of the color palette that brings out the best love and life in you.

So remember the next time you feel like you are “here” again, know that to get “there”, to that wonderful, satisfying, healthy love place that you dream of and deserve, you need not be afraid of or defeated by this place, the “here” place, but rather you must live in it constructively and appreciatively. You must learn from it and grow from it to prepare you for the goodness that’s on its way soon… just like Aiden did when he outgrew Carrie and his relationship with her.

Live and love largely,

Tristan

Tristan Coopersmith is the author of MENu Dating: Taste Test Your Way to the Main Course- a single girl’s guide to falling in like, falling in love and falling into bed. Check out her book in retailers nationwide, online and on her site: www.menudatingonline.com. For musings on dating, follow her on twitter: @tristan_coop.

I’m a sweets-a-holic. If you know me, you know that I can’t pass up a dessert menu, my therapy comes in the form of baking and in my house anytime is a good time for celebratory birthday cake and ice cream. That said, as of yesterday, I’m on a sugar hiatus – a challenge brought on by none other than my mother (ironically, another glutton for glucose).

Since I made this commitment, I have seen no less than 3 Duncan Hines commercials, noticed not one, not two, but THREE new treat shops in my neighborhood and seriously, are the Girl Scouts on a mission to make the world fat because they seem to be on as many corners as a Starbucks in Seattle. WTF?!

Well the fact is, only one of the three treat shops is new. The Girl Scouts are just doing what they do like the good little scouts that they are. And I really don’t think that there is an advertising devil in my TV taunting me with ads that wouldn’t otherwise be there if I wasn’t on sugar remission. It only feels that way. No different than if you have an “Oh shit, I’m late, I must be pregnant” scare and every which way you turn you see a mom pushing a stroller or an ad for Pampers… also no different than when you are…

Suddenly or frustratingly single. There you are, trying to forget about the world of couples and all around you it is IN YOUR FACE! PDA-obsessed couples making out on park benches, boys and girls hands-intertwined everywhere making it impossible for you to pass by, ads for heartfelt romance movies, mushy greeting cards and so on and so on. WTF?!

Did the whole world get coupled up overnight leaving you as the lone single soldier? Hardly. (In fact it is break-up season right now.) It just looks like that on the outside because of the way you feel on the inside – be it defeated, deflated, or otherwise just yucky about love. So here’s the deal, you’ve got two ways you can handle this:

You can either:

A) Throw yourself a pity party. But skip the pigs in a blanket because no one but you is showing up for this soiree. Wallowing in y our own misery or hating on others happiness gets you to no place good. This method decreases the hope and positive outlook you have for your own future. It replaces what could be good power with bad and it wraps you up in an aura of undateable energy.

OR…

B) Get inspired by the love you see! There is a reason that you are hyper-sensitive to all of the love around you right now. Whether you are willing to admit it or not, it’s because you want it. Instead of casting the makeout junkies the evil eye, get inspired by it! Envision yourself lip-locking a lover in the near future. Instead of nearly puking (or crying) at every ad that includes messages of love, visualize what you would look like in one of them. Instead of feeling hopeless at the site of hearts, hand-holding, lollipops in the shape of lips or whatever symbols feel like they are out to get you, use them to get hopeful. Consider all of these signs, signs that love is on its way for you. Because… when you believe in love, you become more loveable.

And here’s another thought. When you are in the presence of an adoring couple, stranger or otherwise, consider extracting pearls of love wisdom from them. Not only will you get an injection of faith, when you step back into coupledom yourself, you will be a little bit more enlightened. According to Amy Spencer, author of the book Meeting Your Half Orange, “It’s easy to lose track of what the heck you want. Look at other relationships you admire and pick the things you admire about them from the substantial to the seemingly inconsequential.” I couldn’t agree more – real live couples (not the ones on the big screen and definitely not the ones on reality TV) can help you create your own relationship blueprint.

Your choice seems easy to me. Pity party vs. Inspiration. A pity party leads to swollen eyes and isolation but inspiration is a catalyst for change and change produces positive action. In this case, change will manifest itself in a more open-minded, open-hearted feeling towards what’s next on your journey towards fulfilling love… and that is definitely something to opt in on.

Live and love largely,

Tristan

Tristan Coopersmith is the author of MENu Dating: Taste Test Your Way to the Main Course- a single girl’s guide to falling in like, falling in love and falling into bed. Check out her book in retailers nationwide, online and on her site: www.menudatingonline.com. For musings on dating, follow her on twitter: @tristan_coop.

When the clocks spring forward, NCAA bracket bets put a dent in your latte budget and girls capitalize on the slightest drop in temperature by flaunting their latest sundress score, you can just feel Spring Break in the air. Whether you are in college or have been out as long as Dewey Decimal, if you are single, you should be going on and celebrating Spring Break.

A week in Cancun complete with body shots, flashing for reality TV show cameras and unlimited casual encounters with guys whose names are not required, you say? Not exactly. What I’m prescribing is Spring Break liberation – a dusting off of winter’s past – whether you’ve been through a recent breakup, swore this was your season for good lovin but all you got was chapped lips, had a series of miserable dates, a lackluster boyfriend who kept you cozy but not inspired, put off dating to concentrate on your career meanwhile finding yourself less than fulfilled by a battery operated replacement or a bum booty call – whatever you need to shed, and however you choose to shed it – be it indulging in a raucous, leave-the-camera-at-home, Spring Break adventure, all stereotypes included, or opt for a week away with the girls to a more mature destination (i.e. shoes and shirt required at dinner, drinks that come in glasses not plastic cups, etc), a Spring Break getaway can be just what a single girl needs to say buh-bye to the winter blues and spring into summer with confidence and optimism. So gather your BFFs, treat yourself to a cute new swimsuit and book some last minute tickets to somewhere that serves girly drinks out of coconuts… the rest as detailed below, will follow:

Spring into body confidence. A week in your bikini will get you feeling awesome about your body. Even if you’re not head-over-heels in love with what you see in the mirror, living with yourself and your girlfriends who don’t pass judgment, will help you get comfortable in your own skin. A woman secure in her appearance is one of the sexiest things in a world to a man. Plus you’ll return with that healthy tan glow that makes any woman shine a little brighter.

Spring into pro-flirting. Make it your mission on Spring Break to return a certified flirting diva. Shed your inhibitions and audition all of the flirty moves you’ve been wanting to try but have been to shy to on your home turf. You’ve got nothing to lose (since the chance of a second run-in with a guy you flirt with is little to none) but ace flirting skills that’ll last a dating lifetime, to gain.

Spring into sexual freedom. Park thoughts of boyfriends, husbands and finding Mr. Right, along with your car at the airport and use this time for rejuvenating no-strings attached fun. Whether you spontaneously makeout with the hot bartender or go for a full on vacationship with an international hottie (if you think you might – please read the Vacationship section of MENu Dating first!), use Spring Break to unleash your sexual freedom.

Spring into experimentation. Spring Break is the ideal time to step out of your “type” and sample the man menu. One of the best things about vacation dating is that you can’t easily pre-judge a guy…. Meaning it is tough to tell much about a man in swim trunks so baked in blockers (no Wall Streeters, no starving artists, etc) naturally shed themselves. Use this opportunity to taste test… you might be surprised by the flavor profiles you like… and will therefore pack a newfound open-mindedness to take home with you.

Spring into happiness. Delighting in the sunshine for a week will do wonders for your spirit. Toss any unmet expectations, disappointments or other doldrums in the ocean and use the time to drink up the goodness in the form of rays and relaxation. Heading back home with a recharged, refreshed, happy heart will give you a healthier outlook on love, not to mention make you doubly attractive to the new guys you meet.

Travel safely and largely,

Tristan

Tristan Coopersmith is the author of MENu Dating: Taste Test Your Way to the Main Course- a single girl’s guide to falling in like, falling in love and falling into bed. Check out her book in retailers nationwide, online and on her site: www.menudatingonline.com. For musings on dating, follow her on twitter: @tristan_coop.

Being in L-O-V-E. There is nothing like it. That sugary sweet feeling that flutters all throughout your body, running through your heart and bursting into every vein, every muscle, every ounce of you. It is the feeling of grinning on the inside. It is exciting, thrilling, magical. For some it can be scary, unknowing, a wild ride. Love is the most sought after feeling in the world – above power, happiness and success. For many, they expect and or wish upon a star that something so treasured, so valuable will just land in their lap. But, like all great things, love gains value through being hard won. So instead of just waiting to stumble upon great love, remember that love can be sought, which not only increases your chances of getting it, but the experiences you have and the learnings you will acquire along your journey towards it, will make you more prepared for it’s great responsibility once you finally do meet love head on.

Still not sold? OK… unless you think you might fall for your pizza delivery guy, here are three more reasons you shouldn’t wait for love to come a knockin’ and instead, go out and man shop (i.e. flirt, hit on a guy, pick up a man) this weekend:

1) You can improve your flirting game. Whereas some people are natural flirts, anyone can become a master flirter. All it takes is learning a few key moves and then stirring in your own personality to create your own brand of flirt. However only by putting your moves to the test can you know if they work and then refine them if needed.

2) You’ll score at least one free drink. Hey economic times are tough and for every $10 you save on your alcohol line item, that is $10 added to your mani/pedi line item. Your budget will thank you.

3) On Monday, when someone asks how your weekend was your response could be, “Made out with the hottest guy ever” as opposed to “Caught up on America’s Next Top Model… and subsequently started a new starvation diet.”

And if that’s not enough, do it for me. I always love hearing your falling in like, in love and into bed stories! Email them to me at tristan@menudatingonline.com .

Live and love largely,

Tristan

Tristan Coopersmith is the author of MENu Dating: Taste Test Your Way to the Main Course- a single girl’s guide to falling in like, falling in love and falling into bed. Check out her book in retailers nationwide, online and on her site: www.menudatingonline.com. For musings on dating, follow her on twitter: @tristan_coop.

Over the past week I’ve had conversations with three fabulous women, all deliberately stuck on single because of their reportedly thiefing exes. Fab gal #1 claims her ex-love stole her independence and until she gets it back, which she plans to do by joining a women’s networking group, connecting with her friends and re-focusing on the career, she refuses to date. Fab gal #2 claims her ex-love nabbed her security and until she loses 10 pounds, grows out her hair and can afford a whole new wardrobe, she won’t even think about dating again. And finally, fab gal #3 claims her ex-love deprived her of her interest in culture and learning and is determined to re-immerse herself through regularly attending plays, festivals and classes – once she feels fascinating enough again to be date worthy, she will jump back in the game.

Here’s the thing. Fab gals 1, 2, and 3 weren’t robbed of anything. They gave those things that they once cherished away during the course of their relationships. Sure their respective men may have influenced them to do so – in fab gal 1’s case perhaps her now ex liked being with her so much that he always wanted to hang out (can you blame him? After all, she is fabulous!), but it was her choice to cease doing the things that made her feel independent. She gave up her friends for example and then unfairly resented him for it. In fab gal 2’s case, her ex showed love not by complimenting her and making her feel pretty but by giving her gifts. Different people show and need to be shown love in different ways. In relationships it is up to you to monitor your personal health – keep what you need and to communicate to your partner those things and how they play a part in supporting you (be it remarks of beauty, spending time to yourself, going out and being adventurous); if they can’t, really think about if this guy is the one for you. Chances are, he’s not. Then you need to take that thing, that thing that you hold so dear and find someone who will be supportive of maintaining it in your life.

And here’s the other thing. By staying stuck on single because of him, by deciding they are ineligible for like and love until they get back what, isn’t really gone but rather is just lightly buried under an excuse not to date again, in essence the fab threesome are still with their exes. They haven’t moved on. They’ve given their exes the power of their thoughts – how they perceive themselves (dependent, insecure, boring)! When moving onward, it is key to accept that your ex couldn’t provide what you needed and that you allowed it to get to an unbearable point where you felt robbed. Be thankful that you had the wisdom to acknowledge this monumental learning – one that you will take into all future relationships- and the strength to let this one go. You might need to deal with getting your books, favorite hoodie, pricey shampoo and spare slippers back from him, but rest assure, your inner core is intact. That should be just the healing prescription required to help you become unstuck and free to date again, as the fab gal you were, are and always will be.

Live and love largely,

Tristan

Tristan Coopersmith is the author of MENu Dating: Taste Test Your Way to the Main Course- a single girl’s guide to falling in like, falling in love and falling into bed. Check out her book in retailers nationwide, online and on her site: www.menudatingonline.com. For musings on dating, follow her on twitter: @tristan_coop.

Spring has officially sprung. Now that the clocks have moved forward the days will get longer, winter’s cozier layers will reveal hot summer bods and all across the globe women will not only clean out their closets, boyfriends will also be discarded like last season’s trends.

That’s right, we’ve entered breakup season. All winter long lovebirds have been hibernating with their significant others, spending long, cold nights together – playing Jenga, watching movie marathons, enjoying winter getaways and bottomless cups of cocoa. What may have seemed so perfect in December when you were trading overflowing stockings, may have become tiresome (“Oh you again?”) or nerve rattling (“How could have ever found your snoring adorable?!”) And now that the sun has started to shine, you may now see possibilities abounding indicating to you it is time to trade in the old to make room for something new… and better.

If you’ve got the breakup itch, you’re not alone – Jennifer Love Hewitt and Kate Winslett joined the single women’s tribe this week. And this is just the beginning of what is the annual relationship apocalypse among couples. Just wait and see. Be it long term love or short, spring is the time to dispose of unhealthy, unsatisfying or going nowhere relationships, because with summer around the corner, there is no shortage of opportunities to revisit like and love’s playground!

But how do you do it? Once you’ve committed to uncommitting, how do you break it off? Well it all depends on what caused you to come to the end of bliss road. Below are a few examples of various break-up situations and the best/worst approaches to cutting the tie. In general though, any breakup method ought to be quick, honest and respectful, complete with “I” statements. It should offer a clear explanation but not be drawn out. It should declare unquestionable finality – not leaving a measure of ambiguity. Your goal should be to cause the least amount of post break-up drama for both parties involved.

The ‘Broken Heart’ Break-up -> This break-up is the one that wrenches your heart out of your chest and throws it out on to the street just in time for a bus to run it over, followed by a concrete pouring truck, followed by a steam roller, and finally by an exploding gasoline truck. Heartbreak to this magnitude is caused by acts of horrendous disrespect such as cheating. These violations are undeniably painful and the damage to the relationship is likely irreversible.

The wrong way: Seeking revenge by destroying his property, ruining his relationships with loved ones, or employing any vindictive behavior is not the route to take. Karma will take care of the wrong-doer more powerfully than you can. THIS APPROACH SPELLS: PSYCHO

The right way: The most painful words one can hear are those expressing disappointment. Although an initial reaction may be to curse him out, simply looking at him with disgust and disdain and delivering a simple message of disappointment cuts the heart permanently. Taking a stance of strength in a situation like this can not only provide great guilt to the guilty, but offer a sense of empowerment as opposed to victimization to you. THIS APPROACH SPELLS: IN CONTROL

The ‘I’m Not Happy’ Break-up -> This break-up arises after a long period of exhaustive arguing that ultimately illustrates that the two parties are not on the same page in terms of how their relationship should function. In this situation, a break-up has been considered on countless occasions and sometimes even used as a threat to leverage change in the other person. Unfortunately, persistent differences will always inevitably lead to an actual break-up. This often is the saddest break-up because so much effort was put into “making it work” and the relationship may end still with one/both members not completely certain that ending it was indeed the right thing.

The wrong way: Attempting to get him to break up with you instead of being brave enough to do it yourself. This is often a dish served up passively aggressively whereby you initiate a “talk” proceeding to bring up all of your problems, resisting every possible solution, leading your BF down a path that leads to no option other than breaking up. THIS APPROACH SPELLS: COWARD

The right way: Address the demise of the relationship head on. Don’t point fingers or cast blame; explain that although the two of you have put in great effort to salvage the relationship, it has run its course and you are just not happy. At the break-up point, there should not be a discussion of how to once again try to “make it work.” Employ the rip-it-off quickly Band-Aid theory. THIS APPROACH SPELLS: KINDNESS

The ‘Dead-End’ Break-up -> This is the break-up that comes out of a relationship that is lacking potential for a future. Most often the relationship is navigating a smooth course, void of any major rifts. However, for one of the participants, the desire to mature the relationship and elevate it to the next level, is absent. Symptoms of this type of break-up include sudden trivial irritations (such as the way the person laughs) and decreasing your loved on as a priority in your life.

The wrong way: The classic “It’s not you, it’s me” approach is the most typical route to take, but is not completely true and the recipient of such a message knows it. He’s left in bewilderment and could have a difficult time moving past without some sense of closure. THIS APPROACH SPELLS: WHITE-LIAR

The right way: Explain that you no longer share the same feelings and that you don’t see a co-mingled future together. When asked about specific reasons for the change in feelings, be sensititve but straightforward. Express gratitude for the relationship. THIS APPROACH SPELLS: THOROUGH.

Hey, so there may be a lot of lonely-heart tears and hugs, drunken rebounded makeout sessions and chocolate binges for the first few weeks post breakup, but rest assure your heart will be shining as brightly as the sun soon, healed and wiser then ever and you will be moving on to some serious summer lovin!

Live and love largely,

Tristan